I turned 30

I turned 30

I was born in 1985. I always liked that, it made calculating my age seem way easier, since I can just count by 5’s.

And last month? I turned six 5’s old.

I think the hardest part about turning 30 is reconciling where my life is with where I imagined it would be. Expectations are such a crapshoot for me.

(I actually don’t understand that saying at all, but crapshoot sounds like shit hitting the fan, so I’m using it literally here.)

I thought I’d have a couple more kids by now.

I thought I’d be about 30lbs lighter.

I thought I’d be more confident. More sure of myself.

I thought I’d have travelled more.

I thought I’d be stronger spiritually.

I thought I’d be more accomplished In my writing, or my dancing, or my…..anything.

I thought I would have lived more. Had more adventures. Appreciated the small moments.

And I fell short, on all of it.

I’m not saying that my life isn’t in a good place, and I wouldn’t change a single thing that would lead to not having either of these two wonderful babies.

But not meeting those expectations? That was hard.

Kurt asked me if I wanted to celebrate the last few hours of my 20s with a cool countdown.

“No. This is a time for mourning.”

He accused me of dramatics, and I reminded him of his week long battle with sorrow at the death of his youth 3 years ago.

Turning 30 is no joke.

The next day was a party. And I’m good now. Once I was done mourning my youth, I jumped right into enjoying my middle age.

30 has been pretty great so far. I have a few more gray hairs and wrinkles than I did two days ago, but that is respectable in a lady my age.

When you turned 30, how did you handle it?

Well, hi. I’m Helena. Igrew up on a blueberry farm in Western Michigan. My days were spent reading on the beach in the summer, and reading in my bedroom under a quilt in the chilly Michigan winter. I moved out to Utah to go to school, and to get away from my family. You know, typical angsty teenager stuff. While out there, I met this guy named Kurt, who was also from Michigan. But we were just friends.

Flash forward 9 years. We got married, and then we moved to Pittsburgh so he could go to Dental School. What can I say, the guy likes teeth. Now we have a little girl, a baby boy, two little turtles, and a whole new adventure ahead of u

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