Friday, April 3, 2015

I turned 30

I was born in 1985. I always liked that, it made calculating my age seem way easier, since I can just count by 5's.

And last month? I turned six 5's old.

I think the hardest part about turning 30 is reconciling where my life is with where I imagined it would be. Expectations are such a crapshoot for me.

(I actually don't understand that saying at all, but crapshoot sounds like shit hitting the fan, so I'm using it literally here.)

I thought I'd have a couple more kids by now.

I thought I'd be about 30lbs lighter.

I thought I'd be more confident. More sure of myself.

I thought I'd have travelled more.

I thought I'd be stronger spiritually.

I thought I'd be more accomplished In my writing, or my dancing, or my.....anything.

I thought I would have lived more. Had more adventures. Appreciated the small moments.

And I fell short, on all of it.

I'm not saying that my life isn't in a good place, and I wouldn't change a single thing that would lead to not having either of these two wonderful babies.

But not meeting those expectations? That was hard.

Kurt asked me if I wanted to celebrate the last few hours of my 20s with a cool countdown.

"No. This is a time for mourning."

He accused me of dramatics, and I reminded him of his week long battle with sorrow at the death of his youth 3 years ago.

Turning 30 is no joke.

The next day was a party. And I'm good now. Once I was done mourning my youth, I jumped right into enjoying my middle age.

30 has been pretty great so far. I have a few more gray hairs and wrinkles than I did two days ago, but that is respectable in a lady my age.

When you turned 30, how did you handle it?

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

I find her sense of style intimidating

Taking her babies for a walk

Right before this, she was wearing pants and had bare feet. I ran over to wrestle some shoes away from Leo's mouth, and not even two minutes later she walked by like this.

I find her sense of style intimidating. #dontjudgemebymyyogapants

Sunday, March 29, 2015

Book worming it

Syndil slept in a little, and then when she woke up she quietly got a book, and took it to bed to read.

Then she went and got another one, and another one.

She read in bed for an hour and a half before deciding she was ready to come downstairs and see us.

It was wonderful.

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