Tears running down my face

I was going to organize the baby's room. Really.

But Facebook is such an easy distraction.

As I was scrolling down the main feed, I saw something that stopped my heart.

I have a friend on there who I haven't seen in years. We went to the same highschool, and we were in choir together.

Last year she got married. And then she got pregnant- at the same time I did! Our due dates were days apart. I hadn't announced on Facebook yet, so I just kind of creeped around her page, feeling close to her as we went through the same things.

But then she miscarried.

It was a dark time for her. I felt awkward saying anything, because I didn't know what she was going through. And because I didn't want my happy news to feel like a slap in her face.

But when I did make my official announcement, she was one of the first to say congratulations. Every time I post a picture or an update, she reads, likes, and comments on it. She seems genuinely happy and excited for me, and I'm honestly not sure that I would feel the same if our roles were reversed.

I've thought a lot about her, and about all of this over the past few months.

So today, when I was avoiding the baby's room, I saw an update from her that struck me through the heart.

Her mom has stage 4 cancer.

Colon cancer.

That's what my mom died from.

I was 19 when it happened, and the thought of my friend going through that, especially after the year she has had... It broke my heart.

Her mom, Peggy, has had multiple surgeries, and the treatments are getting very expensive. But she could still win this fight.

My friend and her sisters have put together a fundraiser to help pay for their mother's treatments. Peggy has been strong, but needs help with medical costs that are not covered by her insurance company.

Kurt walked into the room a few minutes later, and I burst into tears. He has seen me cry for my friend before, and today he just held me as I tried to explain how I was feeling.

Once I had calmed down a little, we decided to take the money that I was going to spend on a haircut today, and give it to them instead. It's not a lot, but it's something.

I just want this mom to see her daughter have a baby.

I want her to see all the little and big moments in her children's lives.

I want her to have what my mom can't.

I want her to survive.

If you're able and interested in donating too, just click on the link below. Even just a little bit would help. And if you can't help financially, you can still leave an encouraging message. It's nice to know that people care.

Thanks guys.

Medical Fundaising Made Simple

Pin It Now!

It's not that I dont like this holiday.

It's just that I miss my mom.

If you see me, I will be sitting alone. And that's ok.

I don't need to be cheered up, or even comforted. Just left alone to think and remember.

(Unless you knew her too. Then please, stop by and talk a while).

(...just don't ask me to comfort you).

Someday when I have kids, this holiday will probably mean more.

But for now, it is one of the saddest days of the year.

And I guess that's ok, too.



Pin It Now!

I wish this didn't happen so often.

Sometimes, when I wake up from a particularly vivid dream, it takes a few minutes for me to remember about my mom.

This breaks my heart.



Pin It Now!

I didn't know Skittles weren't chocolate until I got to college. I just figured they were brightly colored M&M's. THAT was a surprise...

My family didn't eat refined sugar when I was growing up. ever. Not even at birthday parties.

Turns out the sugar used in candy bars and marshmallow cereal is bad for you. And since diabetes runs in my family, my parents weren't taking any chances.

(this is my adorable little grandma, who has diabetes)

We practically lived at the health food store, and everyone thought we were crazy.

We were way ahead of our time.

I hated it. I mean, I loved being different, and this definitely made me stand out. But I hated missing out on the candy and chocolate and doughnuts that I saw at my friends houses.

I hated going to an ice cream shop, and being limited to the "sugar-free" options- usually just plain vanilla, or chocolate if we got lucky.

I hated that juicy fruit was never an option.

And I hated going trick-or-treating, and then giving all of my candy away.

So I would sneak it, every change I got.

(Why yes, I did identify with Claudia the most).

-----

At the bank, when I was sure my mom wasn't looking, I'd snag a fistful of DumDum's from the dish.

Was that a tootsie roll on the sidewalk? Score.

And that one time, when the mall Santa was in a real life-size gingerbread house? I took a bite. Out of the wall.

I wish I was kidding.

Late at night, when I was devising my elaborate candy schemes, I would think to myself "Someday, when I'm all grown up, I'm going to try everything."

And I did.

-----

Here are a few things I've learned:

Sugar headaches hurt.

One Oreo is never enough.

They aren't called "fireballs" because of their color...

And if there is a dessert table at the party, you know where to find me.

Yup, I've made up for lost time. But it's not really a good thing.

I have no control when it comes to sweet stuff. I don't know if it's the taste or the guilty thrill that makes it so delicious.

Unfortunately, every time I go sugar-crazy, I gain more weight. I'm starting to think the two are related...

-----

Kurt and I have talked about this a lot. And here is what I've we've decided.

I don't think I'm going to forbid my children to eat sugar (it becomes a million times more tempting when it's off limits), but I am going to monitor it, and make sure we eat it in moderation.

But first, I have to work on that for myself.

-----

How about you guys? Do you have a special diet, or know someone who does? How do you feel about it? I want to hear about your experiences.

Pin It Now!

Is 14 too young to read Romance Novels? You know, the bodice-ripping kind?

Remember that time when I wrote the post about my Top Two Baby Names? And then my sisters stopped talking to me, and my husband started thinking I was baby-hungry, but everybody else seemed to like it so it was kind of worth it?

I was participating in Top Two Tuesday over at The Undomestic Mama. Each Tuesday she chooses a new topic.



Today's topic is:

TOP TWO FAVORITE BOOKS.

I read a lot. And not just blogs. I started reading when I was really little** and I am kind of a book addict.

I read Gone with the Wind when I was 11. In Two Days.

Then when I was 13, I discovered Star Trek books (Yes. I was a Trekkie. But I never watched the shows, and I think that that is an important distinction). This usually shocks people. Maybe because I seem more like a Star Wars kind of a girl?

Don't worry guys, I read those books too.

I went through this awesome phase when I was 14, where I would only read Romance Novels. If it didn't have a bodice-ripping cover, I just was not interested.

My mom was really excited about finding those books all over my room.

Basically, I have never read age appropriate books. Which probably explains my current favorite genre: Young Adult Fiction.


Artemis Fowl

This series is definitely one of my favorites. And as an added benefit, someday my 11 year old son will love them too!
Yeah, these books are written for young boys. But they are so clever and interesting, I have read them over and over again.

The Tiffany Aching Series

There are three books in this series by Terry Pratchett. And you can share these ones with your 13 year old daughter.
I snorted with laughter 4,065 times while reading them.

Yes, I counted.

I have so many other books I could recommend.



But I am only supposed to list 2, and anything more is cheating.

What are your top two favorite books?

(You can tell me in a comment, or write it in a post and link up to the party.)

**I started reading when I was 3. When I was 4, we moved, and I had to switch schools.

On the first day my teacher asked me if I could read. I said no (I was probably hoping for a lighter homework load). And so they started teaching me the alphabet.

A few weeks later, one of the teachers caught me reading a book by myself. She watched me mouthing the words as I went along. The jig was up.

When my mom told me this story, she started laughing when she remembered the look on the teachers face that afternoon.

"You mean, she is already reading chapter books??"

I had just started Les Miserable.
(Just kidding, I didn't read that one until I was 12).



Pin It Now!

I miss her.

May 13, 2010

I stood in my bedroom, staring blankly at my pile of clothes. What are you supposed to wear to a funeral? Black? Gray? Just something nice? I'm not even sure what fits anymore.

I never met him. The man who died. None of us had. His father is the dean of Kurt's dental school. This son was in the Navy. Intelligence. They may never know who killed him, or why.

All I know for sure is that he was 30. Much too young to die.

I picked up a gray skirt, and held it in front of me. I looked into the mirror, but I couldn't focus very well through my tears.

I thought about the last time I stood over a pile of clothes, wondering what to wear to a funeral.

It was April 6th, 2004.

And she was only 44.



Pin It Now!

I have many flaws. But my new hair isn't one of them.

Remember a few weeks ago, when I wrote that totally obnoxious post about my new hair color?

Yeah, about that. I suck. It's just a fact. I'm always late, I steal clothing (just from sisters and roommates. I've never successfully** stolen anything from a store), and I'm messy. Like, really messy. And I sleep a lot. Basically, you should not be surprised when I do things like write a post about my new hair color, and then forget to take a picture to include in the post. And then publish it anyway. And then add 5 other pictures because I feel lame and I'm hoping to distract you.

Sorry guys. Here is that picture I promised you.

(I couldn't resist! Man, it's a good thing Kurt never checks my blog)

And here is a more hair-centered picture.

What do you think?




**This one time when I was really little, I tried to break open a little $15 toy gumball machine in a toy store. It was the display one, and it had real gum in it. And by "break open" I mean I was just kind of sitting there, twisting the handle, and hoping for the best.

But the manager saw me, and threw a fit. She yanked me into the back room, closed the door, and yelled at me. Without telling my mother. I think I was 6. I started crying, and she wouldn't let me leave.

Out in the store, my mother realized that 1 of her 4 children was missing, and almost had a heart attack.

5 hours later (or maybe 10 minutes. I don't know, I was 6) my Mom found me in the back room, sitting on a chair, being yelled at by the manager. After telling the whore lady off, we stormed out and we never went back to that toy store again. Looking back, I wonder why the hell we didn't sue. I'm pretty sure we would have won.

(I know, I'm so hostile. Remembering this never really bugged me when I was little, but looking back it makes me really mad. Just thinking of someone doing this to one of my future kids gets my mother-bear-defending-her-young instincts all riled up).

Still, it scarred me enough that I've never tried to steal anything since then. Any time I think about it (yes, I sometimes think about it) I get this feeling that that woman is following me around, just waiting for a chance to finish what she started.

Creepy, huh?



Pin It Now!

Guess what color my hair is?

If you're guessing brown, you're a little bit right. I mean, that's what it's supposed to be.

(This is the first color I ever dyed my hair. Aww, memories!)

When I turned 16, my Mom told me I could dye my hair (but nothing extreme). I was SO excited. My hair was brown, so of course I went and dyed it...Brown. Again. Not sure what I was thinking with that one.

But back to the question. What other color could it be?

You're probably thinking red, huh? Nope.

I've done it before, though. Once I dated a guy for 3 months before he realized I wasn't a red head. Which was really weird- I mean, I have black eyebrows. What red head has black eyebrows?

(This is the kit I used back in the day. And it turned out really pretty)

You might be thinking purple. I probably seem like the type who would rock that look. Turns out I am. Not rocking that look- but able to rock it.

The summer I graduated high school, I had light purple highlights. It was really pretty um, hardcore. My mother was understandably horrified. It was my first major rebellion.

(This stuff fades really fast. Just sayin')

But a few months later I went off to BYU, and my hair was dyed back to brown. Turns out purple is not an acceptable color for a BYU student.

So what about now?

Why blond, of course!

I know, some of you probably guessed that right off. Go you.

But most of you are shocked, huh?

I went in to my friend's salon, and told her to do whatever she wanted. She knew I was going on a cruise next week, and so she gave me a lighter, flirtier color to go with my soon-to-be-tan skin. Or, more realistically, my soon-to-be-burned-and-blistery skin.

I wasn't sure at first. I never am when I change the color. But Kurt loves it. I was blond when we first started dating, and only dyed it back to brown for the wedding because I felt like those pictures shouldn't be full of lies.

See?

Dating (he married me for my teeth):




Married:




NOW:

(INSERT PHOTO HERE)

Yeah, I don't have a picture yet. How obnoxious is that?

Kurt is too busy with his finals to snap any. I've been planning this post for a few days, but I was waiting until I had this last picture to post it.

And then I gave up and decided to post it anyway.

So which color/style is your favorite?

I know, I know. You're hoping I'll go purple again. I think I'm gonna wait until my daughters are in highschool before I revive that look.

What's the point in rebelling if no one is horrified?



Pin It Now!