A Creepy Kidney

The ultrasound technician looked confused, and then surprised.

"That can't be right..."

But after a few minutes of looking, she turned to me and said;

"I can't find your kidney."


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Wait, back up. Why was I getting an ultrasound? Am I pregnant? Who starts a story this way??

I guess I'll go back to when it all began.

My mom was 16 when she had one of her ovaries removed. She had really bad cysts, and the doctors decided to operate.

It was ok, though. She managed to have 5 kids, with her single remaining ovary.

But cysts? They run in my family.

As long as the pain goes away in a day or two, my doctor told me not to worry about them.

But when the pain had dragged on for 4 days, I started to get nervous.

Hence, the ultrasound technician.


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"Good news! Your ovaries look normal. No abnormally large cysts or anything."

I smiled in relief. Surgery is something I'd love to avoid.

"Now I'm going to check out a few other things."

She checked out my left side, and then moved to my right. There she stopped. After a few minutes, she started to seem worried.

"That can't be right..."

Great. Just what everyone wants to hear when someone is looking at their insides.

"...I can't find your right kidney."

I swallowed hard. "Um, maybe it moved?"

"I'll check in a few other places.

5 minutes later, she found it.

"It's in your abdomen! See? Here is your heart valve. And right below it is your kidney."

I looked at the screen, and saw nothing but lumpy static.

"Here, let's look at the left side. That kidney is around back, where it's supposed to be. And your right one...here...it's supposed to be tucked below your liver. But it's not. It's in front, kind of twisted into a funny position."

I just...I had no idea what to say.

"I have no idea if it's functional. But really, you only need one to live. And you've never had any problems before?"

I shook my head.

"Good. Well, we'll refer you to a kidney specialist. It might be fully functional. Who knows? Anyway, that's it. I'll let you get dressed."

I was beyond weirded out. But also kind of excited.

See? Proof that I'm special.

It's good to know, that's for sure. A sharp pain in my abdomen- I would never think "Oh hey, maybe it's my kidney." I'd probably just grab a laxative, and then die.

Also, if one of my enemies tries to stab me in the kidney, they will miss by a good foot and a half.

Built in stabbing-protection.

Tell me I'm not the only one with a weird body?



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Trick Or Treat!

Kurt is studying on campus tonight. Lame. He has a Final on Monday, and the review yesterday has him scared. So I dressed up as a witch and got ready to pass out candy by myself.

But no one came.

Well, ok. Thats not true. One couple brought their 5 month old by. She was so cute- they dressed her up as tigger. I tried to give them the whole bowl of candy, but they wouldn't take it! Something about her being too little, and them not wanting to become diabetic.

Wimps.

So now I'm stuck with a butt load of butterfingers and you KNOW I'm gonna eat them (Lisa, that "butt load" was for you! Be proud).

To keep myself busy I made marshmallaw fondant, and watched the Exorcism of Emily Rose on Hulu.

By myself. If there is one thing you learn from my blog let it be that YOU SHOULD NEVER WATCH A SCARY MOVIE ALONE ON HALLOWEEN.

I've never been so scared in my life.

...Except maybe on Prom night when the homeless guy started screaming at us outside our restaurant, and made me shake his blood-soaked hand... but really, nothing could be scarier than that.



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a REAL Haunted House

The other day we went with some friends to a REAL Haunted House! The background on how it's haunted is pretty vague... something about a witch and some men going missing... but I'm sure its true!



Here are some of my favorite moments from that night:

Getting lost on our way there. But hey, driving around in a spooky rural area just helped set the mood!

The website said there weren't gonna be any chainsaws. They lied.

A girl walking out of the house was horrified: "They used real mud!" she squeeled, in a teenage voice. We laughed, and kept making fun of her, saying, "Watch out! That's real mud!" to each other. Turns out they did use real mud at the end. And it got in my shoe. Karma, anyone?

McCall snapped a picture, and was immediately confronted by a red neck farmer with blood on his shirt. "No pictures!" he yelled. "Oh, ok." McCall said, about to put her camera away. "You have to erase that. Now." He stood over her, and checked to make sure that the blurry picture was really gone. I hope you learned your lesson, McCall!

Kurt and I were leading the way for most of the house. And by Kurt and I, I mean me. He kept pushing me in front of him. He says he wasn't scared. Uh huh. So why was he hiding behind me again...? I didn't mind protecting him. I'm pretty tough. But I was NOT ok with how he kept letting go of my hand. I need something to grab onto while I'm screaming and jumping up and down (Ok, I guess I'm not that tough).

I hope you all had a great Halloween!



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Craft Night

I found this awesome blog the other day. And realized I HAD TO MAKE THIS CRAFT. I could not let this halloween season go by without it. I found instructions here, and was all set to make them by myself.

Then I had a great idea- why not invite the other Wives to do it with me? Thursday seemed like the perfect night: Kurt was studying for his Final on Monday, and there wasn't anything else going on... or so I thought.

I sent out an email, and included pictures, and thought who could resist coming? Turns out everyone can WHEN YOU ARE COMPETING WITH BOOK CLUB. How did this happen...?

As soon as I realized it my mistake, I sent out another email saying "I completely understand if no one can come" (they are very serious about book club out here). I thought about rescheduling- but Halloween is 2 days away. It was now or never.

A few people RSVP'd, and Maretta ended up coming. We had a lot of fun painting and cutting and picking glue off our fingers. Here is my finished project:







(The example pictures from the links look better, but I think mine are cute too. And if I can make them, you can- I promise!)

This afternoon I went hunting for jars. I had a few in my craft stuff, but I wanted more. After perusing my fridge for a few minutes, I made an executive decision: we did not need all these half filled jars of food.

I got out some tupperware, and went to work.

When Kurt got home tonight, he ooh'd and aah'd over my little Jack-O'-Lanterns for a few minutes.

Then he asked where I had gotten the jars from. "Oh, from the fridge. the little ghost one used to be the Maraschino Cherries."

He gasped in horror.

HE ACTUALLY GASPED IN HORROR.

The look on his face was so great, I had to go with it. "Yeah, I just tossed them."

I thought he was gonna pass out!! Maraschino cherries are like his favorite thing ever.

He caught on when I almost collapsed with laughter.

"How can you joke about this??"

He did not see the humor in the situation. But he was relieved to see the zip lock full of his favorite food.

.



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Uh oh...

The pumpkin is leaking again...



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Pumpkin Carving

We carved Pumpkins last night- at the SAME TIME my family was carving pumpkins in Utah! It was almost like we were doing it together :)

We also had our first dinner guests. We are kind of nervous about inviting people who have mobile children; our place just isn't baby proof. So we decided to start with Nicole and Devon, whose 4 month old can't get into much trouble.



After dinner, we busted out the knives and went to work on our pumpkins. We bought them at the Giant Eagle across the street, and the selection was awful. I think there were 7 left, and half of those were rotten. There were a few other people hunting through them, and so when we found two decent looking ones, we ran! For a second I thought the old lady was gonna chase us down- but I was ready for that. Chantel and I used to train for Black Friday, and I know how to handle old ladies with walkers. We headed home, and put our hard-won prizes by the door. But Sunday morning when we were leaving for church, Kurt noticed an orange puddle and a funny smell coming from under one of the pumpkins. We decided we would carve that one (We are such good hosts), and gave the good one to Nicole and Devon.



It wasn't rotten, exactly. It just had some suspicious soft spots, and the insides were all liquidy and grayish. The good news is we didn't have to scrape out the guts! We just sort of...poured them out. Then we started carving. A few minutes later I looked in it again- and there was another puddle in there! It was bleeding internally.



This one is ours:



And this one is the Gneitings. It's true, we all cheated and used patterns. But it was definitely worth it!



Sidenote: Nicole's baby hates me. Every time I picked her up, she started screaming in my face! But once I handed her back, she was just fine. I'm that good with babies.



Now we have our pumpkin outside our front door. It smells. But it really doens't look suspicious, so we are hoping our neighbors won't realize that that is where the smell is coming from. At least, not until after Saturday.



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Halloween Surprises

Ok, this is definitely the week for unexpected treats. We just got 3 more packages in the mail- 3!!! These ones were from my Dad. I can just see him at Wal Mart, getting really excited as he picks out Halloween stuff to send to us. Can I say cutest Dad ever?

We got one box earlier today. Inside I found picture frames from JoAnn (my Dad's new wife), and 4 boxes of my favorite Halloween treat- Pumpkin Delights!! So much for my goal to lose weight before the Holidays...






Then this evening we got another knock on the door. It was the same UPS guy, with the other 2 boxes. Inside we found tons of Halloween decorations and candy. The candy is for the little ankle-biters who come knocking on our door on Halloween (but we'll see if it lasts that long). I am really excited about the fake spider web stuff, and Kurt really likes the skull. Which I named Morty.

I love my family. I've been missing them like crazy. Halloween is the start of my Dads favorite time of year (which lasts through December). Last week everyone out in Utah went to a Haunted Hayride thing in Thanksgiving Point. And I'm sure pumpkin carving, haunted houses, and scary movies are on the schedule. Then when its closer to Halloween, they will all get together and watch Arsenic and Old Lace, a black and white classic. It's a tradition in our family. They will eat doughnuts and drink cider and munch on my dads Pumpkin Seeds. Without me.

I'm not sad to be in Pittsburgh. But I sort of wish that my family would decide to follow me again- like they did when I moved to Utah. Until then, I guess I will just have to enjoy the packages.



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Surprise Treats!

Tonight was a good night. After we ate dinner, I had a headache. I hardly ever have those. So to distract me from the pain, Kurt took me out for dessert. Seems kind of counter-intuitive, right? Your head hurts- lets go hang out around bright lights and noisy people!! But it totally worked. We decided to check out the Eat N' Park, a restaurant just down the street. It sounds like a 60's roller skate joint, doesn't it? Sort of like Sonic? But no, its just a regular restaurant.
The dessert was good. But we REALLY liked the hostess. Her name was Liz. She's one of those 50-something waitresses who seem like they would work there just because they love it so much. She was so excited when she heard it was our first time at the Eat N Park! She gave us a tour, was super friendly, and told us to make sure we say hi next time we stop in. Then later, she turned up at our table with a bag. "Its kind of a welcome bag. I have our take out menu, the birthday info for you to fill out (so we can give you free stuff), some coupons, and things like that. Make sure you come visit again!" After we got in the car, I saw that she had also included 2 of their signature Smiley cookies! We will definitely be going back to visit.

So I just went looking for a picture of the Eat N' Park, to add to this post. I ended up at their website. AND THEY HAVE A THEME SONG. Awesome.



When we got home, we decided to check the mail. And we had a package! It wasn't signed, but I KNOW it was from Annie! I was super excited. Packages + Halloween Candy = A Wonderful Surprise! And a perfect snack to much on while facebooking and writing blogs.



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