I was born in 1985. I always liked that, it made calculating my age seem way easier, since I can just count by 5's.
And last month? I turned six 5's old.
I think the hardest part about turning 30 is reconciling where my life is with where I imagined it would be. Expectations are such a crapshoot for me.
(I actually don't understand that saying at all, but crapshoot sounds like shit hitting the fan, so I'm using it literally here.)
I thought I'd have a couple more kids by now.
I thought I'd be about 30lbs lighter.
I thought I'd be more confident. More sure of myself.
I thought I'd have travelled more.
I thought I'd be stronger spiritually.
I thought I'd be more accomplished In my writing, or my dancing, or my.....anything.
I thought I would have lived more. Had more adventures. Appreciated the small moments.
And I fell short, on all of it.
I'm not saying that my life isn't in a good place, and I wouldn't change a single thing that would lead to not having either of these two wonderful babies.
But not meeting those expectations? That was hard.
Kurt asked me if I wanted to celebrate the last few hours of my 20s with a cool countdown.
"No. This is a time for mourning."
He accused me of dramatics, and I reminded him of his week long battle with sorrow at the death of his youth 3 years ago.
Turning 30 is no joke.
The next day was a party. And I'm good now. Once I was done mourning my youth, I jumped right into enjoying my middle age.
30 has been pretty great so far. I have a few more gray hairs and wrinkles than I did two days ago, but that is respectable in a lady my age.
When you turned 30, how did you handle it?