Tuesday, June 26, 2012

TMI? Oh no. There is no such thing when you are 40 weeks pregnant.

Guess what I was doing 9 months ago today??

Buying tampons. Because pregnancy is weird, and you are technically pregnant 2 weeks before you even have sex.

So guess what I was doing two weeks after that...? (wink wink)

Hanging out in California with my family. Without Kurt.

Because bodies are weird, and sperm can stay alive for up to 3 days once its been... donated. Or something crazy like that.

So in honor of that day 9 months ago, minus 2 weeks, plus 3 days,


Which, apparently, means nothing.

No real contractions, no water breaking.

But I do have pitting edema in my feet (and wonderfully low blood pressure, thank goodness). And I have pregnancy-induced carpal tunnel in my left hand (what the...? Pregnancy is weird.). All of which matter about as much as my due date. This baby is going to come when she is good and ready. Sometime around her 5th birthday.

Things I have tried, to move things along:

Pineapple. I've eaten a whole, fresh pineapple 3 times.  My mouth did not bleed. I did get canker sores.

Red Raspberry Leaf herbal tea. Every other day.

Evening primrose oil. I swallow 3 throughout the day, and then we use 1 topically at night.  For the past 3 weeks.

Sex. I am convinced that this is a myth started by husbands who are freaked out at the whole 6-week fast that is looming ahead, especially combined with the past few months of "Are you kidding me? Do you have any idea how uncomfortable that would be right now?"

But we've been sacrificing comfort for potential contractions every single day. TMI? Oh no. There is no such thing when you are 40 weeks pregnant.

Exercise ball. I use one constantly, instead of a chair.

Accupressure. Kurt has been a champ when it comes to this. It is the best part of my day.

Spicy food. Every day. Followed by heartburn. Every day.

Walking walking walking jogging and walking some more.

The jogging wasn't pretty, you guys.

The occasional use of a manual breast pump. I know, you aren't supposed to do this unless you are being monitored. But sometimes I get desperate.

Riding in a car through Pittsburgh. All the natives say this is guaranteed to start labor. There are that many pot holes.

Grand result: Nothing. She is in here for good. Or, until the 10 of July, which is her eviction date. If I haven't had her by then, I have to go to the hospital, and get induced.

I really, really don't want to go to the hospital.

And no, I won't be trying castor oil. Not until the 8th of July. Because it sounds like the absolute worst way to start labor. Also, I hear it can give the baby diarrhea, too. And my birth center doesn't do meconium-filled births.

What did you guys do to get things started with your labors? It's ok if some of these things worked for you. I won't stab your eye out with a spork or anything.



Anonymous said...

Apparently, my uterus can't do anything the easy way. :) My first labor started WITH a ride in our old beater of a truck, down the bumpiest road in our county, or state, or country. She ended up being a c-section, the little breech monkey. The road is still terrible by the way, almost 13 years later. My second, and last was a week long process. Three trips to the hospital where my contractions would promptly quit...we tried everything, except the castor oil, including some things I never imagined I'd do in a hospital, until Friday, the 13th of July, and we opted for induction. We had a midwife with that one, and a successful VBAC. You are right, that little peanut won't make her appearance until she's ready.

Liz said...

Oh I remember those days. I was a week late with my son and I tried pineapple until I puked and I went the caster oil route - worst night ever. I'd say don't do it. It didn't move my baby along at all. I was induced. Which honestly wasn't that bad.

Unknown said...

Sorry, the only thing that worked for me was sex. TMI? I'm not 40 weeks pregnant...
Seriously though, it worked with both kids. Like within hours.

Josie said...

I was rocking out to some Shakira while getting ready for my best friend's graduation and I tripped over my laundry basket, which I then was stuck in for about 3 minutes until I could wiggle myself out (I was home alone). Little Isabel was born about 8 hours later with zero complications, lucky for us.

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