Friday, April 29, 2011

Live Blogging from the Airport



I'm sitting here in Vegas, surrounded by Mormons (I assume). Let's just say the people lining up for this flight into Salt Lake are showing a lot less skin than the rest of the airport.

(And their hair is pouffier)

I'll be gone for a week. But don't bother robbing my apartment. The only expensive thing we own is on my finger (um, also, please don't mug me). I'm leaving Kurt at home. With a dog. And a gun. A rabid dog. And a giant gun. Both of which want to kill you.

Especially the gun.

I don't always enjoy flying. Sometimes I even (dare I say it?) hate the whole experience. But right now, sitting in this hairsprayed crowd, I'm actually having fun.

Weird, huh?

But its true. And I think I know why.

TOP 5 REASONS TODAY DOESN'T SUCK.

1. Free airport internet. Remember a few years ago, when they tried to make you pay to use it? Well, I never gave in, and I think they noticed. FREE INTERNET FOR THE PEOPLE.

2. Friendly TSA agents. But not creepy-friendly. They were much less gropey today than they were at Christmas time. And I didn't have to go through the naked machine. (Ow!Ow!)

3. Hour and a half layovers are kind of perfect. You don't have to stress if your flight gets in a little late, and there's plenty of time to use the restroom, grab a snack, take a walk, and write a blog post. No rushing necessary. I guess I didn't have to rush during Christmas either, but when your layover is 5 hours long, it loses its appeal.

4. Stopping in Vegas ROCKS. Half my flight from Pittsburgh was drunk before they got on the plane, and that flight? Best.Flight.Of.Their.Lives.

5. My destination. I'm going to see my family, yo! It's sister time. Plus, my dad might buy me things. And when i get back to Pittsburgh, Kurt will be so excited to see me, I won't have to clean for a week. OR MAYBE TWO.

And that is why todays trip isn't sucking.

Almost makes you want to hop on a plane, doesn't it?

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how about you? What do you love/hate about flying? I would love to hear some stories.


Thursday, April 28, 2011

Oh hey, remember when Kurt was KIDNAPPED BY A SERIAL KILLER??



I woke up out in the living room.

It was 3am, and I was looking for Kurt. I was still only half awake, but I got the impression that I had been searching for a while.

Where the heck was he??


By now I was about 3/4 awake, and starting to panic. He wasn't in the bathroom, He wasn't on the balcony, and HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO SAVE HIM FROM A HUSBAND-KILLING-CEREAL-KILLER???

I can't even keep people from peeing in my trash can!

I rushed around calling "Kurt?? Where are you??" at the top of my lungs.

There was no answer.

I stumbled into the bedroom, and grabbed for my phone. That's when I noticed it- the foot sticking out from under the bed.

THE DISMEMBERED FOOT.


No, wait. False alarm. There was a leg attached to it.


I crept around the bed, bracing myself for the giant puddle of blood seeping into the carpet (What? I've seen Law & Order).

But instead I saw this:


It was not cute.

"KURT. GET YOUR BUTT BACK IN BED."

He didn't move.

I kicked him.

Nothing.

"NOW, KURT. GET IN BED NOW."


I stood there shaking from the aftermath of that adrenaline, still kind of worried that he might be dead.

He had better not be dead.

After a few minutes he started moving and mumbling. Then he climbed back into bed, completely oblivious to my fury.

And I was furious. I'm pretty sure he tried to cuddle me, but I just shoved him away.


Looking back, I feel kinda bad for how angry I was. All he had wanted was to roll off the bed and cuddle his pillow in peace.

But at the time, it was all I could do to not kill him myself.

He has to be doing this on purpose.

Husbands are jerks.



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This post was inspired by Mama Kat's weekly writing prompts. I mean, it just happened, but who knows when I would have gotten around to writing it if it hadn't been for prompt #3.

I'm linking it to her Writer's Workshop.

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Wednesday, April 27, 2011

My new obsession (and I don't even sing)



YOU GUYS.

If have a minute (or, like, an hour) check out The Voice.


I'm watching it right now, and I am IN LOVE.

I don't even like talent competition shows!

(I swear, they are not paying me to say this)

Man, the people who put this show together knew what they were doing. It's so suspenseful and crazy, and when the artists get to choose between the judges I can't stop jumping up and down!

It's so intense.

So check it out.

And if you're at work, wearing headphones, and being subtle?

Try watching it on igoogle. It's a much smaller screen, and you can make the rest of the page look business-like.

You're Welcome.

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Tuesday, April 26, 2011

There are HOW MANY WAYS???



Too bad I didn't see this last week. Kurt would have had a VERY manly birthday.


50 Ways to Use Feminine Hygiene Products in a Manly Manner


So now I'm curious; what's the manliest way you've ever used a tampon?

(I know, you probably get asked that all the time.)

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Sunday, April 24, 2011

This does NOT count as an emergency.



I looked up from my book, and stared towards the bedroom.

"HELLLLPPP!"

The voice was so faint, I could barely hear it.

I dropped my book and ran.

"Kurt?! Are you ok? Are you having a heart attack??"

He looked up at me with sad eyes.

"I need water."

".....WHAT?"

"I texted you like ten minutes ago!"

"My phone isn't next to- WHAT DID YOU DO???"

His text books were COVERED in candy wrappers.

"Um, I didn't mean to. It just sort of happened."

"YOU ATE YOUR WHOLE EASTER BASKET??"

"Yeah. And it made me thirsty."

I stared at him in silence.

"Please?"

If today wasn't his birthday, he would be in so much trouble right now. He's had that basket for, what? 3 hours now?

That has to be a record.

Happy Easter you guys.

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