Monday, November 14, 2011

I need him to hate me. Any ideas?



"Why not?"

I stared at Kurt, confused.

"Because. It's dangerous."

"It was dangerous last time. But that didn't stop us. We climbed all the way out to the edge. Remember?"

"We were stupider then."

"We did not die."

"Look, I said no."

"Fine. You can watch. And I will have the adventure."

I turned to hop out onto the rock, but he quickly snatched my arm.

"I said no. You can't do it."

"I did it before."

"But I love you more now."

I raised my eyebrow.

"That's how marriage works. I love you more now than I did a year ago. So I can't let you risk your life."

I raised both eyebrows.

"By the time you're 50 years old, I won't let you leave the house."

I stared at him in disbelief. Was he joking, or he was serious? Or maybe something in between? In the end, it didn't matter. He pulled me up onto the overlook, and that's as close as I got to the waterfall.

So now I need your help.

How can I make him hate me just a little bit more?

No really, guys. I need ideas. Maybe something along the lines of stop showering. Completely. And then drenching myself in Paris Hilton's perfume to cover up the smell.

Only, you know, less gross.


5 comments:

Jennifer Kay said...

Damn girl, I thought you were reciting words from the latest Twighlight Book when Bella jumped off the cliff!!!! :)

How to make him hate you....hmmmmm. Cheat on him with his brother?

Smart Ass Sara said...

You buy a goat when he's at work. Seriously. I think if you do it, then I can do it and then both of our husbands will hate us and we can do stupid, crazy things together. And get two-for-one discounts!

I see this as being nothing but win.

Mogooseholly said...

I'm so glad to see you're posting a bit more regularly :)

I'd recommend affecting his sleep. The love burns a little less brightly in my husband's eyes when I've kept him awake all night with my melodious snoring.

thecubiclerebel said...

This is a funnnny blog...Just digging in...

Laura Michele said...

just found your blog..you successfully kept me from cooking dinner, doing laundry, going to work, sleeping, praying, interacting with my husband. Go, you!!!!

blog on..I need to avoid doing more things :)

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