Thursday, April 28, 2011

Oh hey, remember when Kurt was KIDNAPPED BY A SERIAL KILLER??



I woke up out in the living room.

It was 3am, and I was looking for Kurt. I was still only half awake, but I got the impression that I had been searching for a while.

Where the heck was he??


By now I was about 3/4 awake, and starting to panic. He wasn't in the bathroom, He wasn't on the balcony, and HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO SAVE HIM FROM A HUSBAND-KILLING-CEREAL-KILLER???

I can't even keep people from peeing in my trash can!

I rushed around calling "Kurt?? Where are you??" at the top of my lungs.

There was no answer.

I stumbled into the bedroom, and grabbed for my phone. That's when I noticed it- the foot sticking out from under the bed.

THE DISMEMBERED FOOT.


No, wait. False alarm. There was a leg attached to it.


I crept around the bed, bracing myself for the giant puddle of blood seeping into the carpet (What? I've seen Law & Order).

But instead I saw this:


It was not cute.

"KURT. GET YOUR BUTT BACK IN BED."

He didn't move.

I kicked him.

Nothing.

"NOW, KURT. GET IN BED NOW."


I stood there shaking from the aftermath of that adrenaline, still kind of worried that he might be dead.

He had better not be dead.

After a few minutes he started moving and mumbling. Then he climbed back into bed, completely oblivious to my fury.

And I was furious. I'm pretty sure he tried to cuddle me, but I just shoved him away.


Looking back, I feel kinda bad for how angry I was. All he had wanted was to roll off the bed and cuddle his pillow in peace.

But at the time, it was all I could do to not kill him myself.

He has to be doing this on purpose.

Husbands are jerks.



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This post was inspired by Mama Kat's weekly writing prompts. I mean, it just happened, but who knows when I would have gotten around to writing it if it hadn't been for prompt #3.

I'm linking it to her Writer's Workshop.

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11 comments:

Alexandria Rammell said...

while im waiting for my car to be done...I just had to check out your post. and it reminded me of that one time Tyler drove up to our house with the garage door open and blood all over the front seat of the car...looked like I was killed. I think he can relate to your panic...

Heather said...

Does this happen often?
Now I want cereal.
Hmmmmmm.

Morgan said...

My sister was known for sneaking off in her sleep ... and she usually ended up under one of our beds. Thanks for the memory! :)

Visiting from MamaKat's :)

Smart Ass Sara said...

Dude. I WISH Matt would roll off the bed. Or go somewhere else to sleep.

It would be glorious.

Miel et Lait said...

I love the narration accompanied by illustrations. How cute!

Visiting from Mama Kat's!

Ellen Wonton said...

Hilarious. I'm still dumbfounded on why he made it to the foot of the bed and not the bed itself.

eof737 said...

Oh boy, what a riot... and all for cereal. i love your stick people. :-)
Stopped by from MamaKat's.
Elizabeth

viewfromdownhere said...

I love that he tried to cuddle you and you shoved him away....that's pretty much how I would have reacted :-)

ComfyMom~Stacey said...

LOL! Love the accompanying artwork!

MommaKiss said...

i'm crunching on froot loops - what did you say?

ashleyO said...

So, apparently Kurt doesn't snore. Or at least not this night. Lucky girl.

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