Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Aw, man...



I am about a week and a half behind in my blog reading. And I follow over a hundred blogs. I'm not sure I'll ever catch up...


Tuesday, March 30, 2010

A few thoughts on not being pregnant...



You guys, it happened. And I am not happy. I was in church on Sunday, just minding my own business, when a man came up to me and stared at my stomach.

"When are you due?"

...what??

"I'm not pregnant." I said, horrified.

He laughed. "No, really. When are you due?"

I was speechless. "She isn't pregnant" said Kurt, coming up behind me.

There was a pause. A long, awkward pause as the man looked back and forth between me, Kurt, and my not-pregnant stomach.

"Oh. Wow." Then he walked away.

Kurt and I just stared at each other.

Next time that happens, I'm going to smile, pat my tummy, and say "April. Of 2012, butthead."

(Only I might not sensor it. It'll probably depend on how much chocolate I've had that day)

Then I'll punch him in the face. Or maybe I'll just go cry (Also depending on my chocolate intake).

Now I'm not sure what to say when I see this man. I'm thinking we will probably both pretend like it didn't happen. But it's sure gonna be awkward.

Have you guys ever had this happen to you?? Or maybe you've been the one to ask this question. Please let me know. I could use a few laughs, and I'd love to not be the only person in this situation!

Now please excuse me while I go eat my weight in vending machine candy bars.

(kidding, of course. I'm pretty sure I'm never going to eat again.)


Monday, March 29, 2010

Made in the Pitts



That's the name of my new Etsy Shop.

Yup. It's open :)

Here is the link.

So go buy something. Or just go look at it. And then come back and tell me what you think. No, seriously- I could use some help! I'll just wait right here.

......

Welcome back. What did you think?

Yeah, it's not very pretty yet. It's been so rainy here, I haven't been able to get any pictures using natural light. And I'm still figuring out where to put stuff and what to write. Plus I need a header. Sigh. Still, it's a start!

And for those of you who didn't click on the link, here is a sneak peak...



I wonder what these are...



(You know you are curious)


Saturday, March 27, 2010

I speak Sign Language.



No really, I do. And yes, that is the right way to say it.

I took 5 years of classes at BYU. And all of my teachers were Deaf. Also not joking. I like to think that helped with my accent. But it's been a few years, and I've lost a lot of my vocabulary. So if you come up to me and start speaking in ASL, I hope you are good at finger spelling, because I will probably have to do a lot of that.

I can still eavesdrop pretty well. WHICH IS SO RUDE. But I can't help it! It's like standing in a crowded room, and then hearing someone talk in Chinese. And you know Chinese. And suddenly it's all you can hear, and you're super excited because you weren't sure you remembered very much of it, but you understand everything they are saying. And they are talking about you. It's just like that, only it's my eyes that are listening, and technically I can look away pretty easily, so I guess that's not a very good example after all. Dang it.

Basically, I eavesdrop, and I know it's wrong, and I am a bad person.

So... that's kind of all I've got for you today.

ASL. Go learn it. Then we can have awesome secret conversations. And when we catch people staring? We'll just sign naughty words, in case they can understand us. After all, someone has to teach them not to eavesdrop.

This one is for you, Tiffany:



((AWESOME))


Thursday, March 25, 2010

You can't HANDLE this post.



I read a lot of blogs. I've mentioned that before. And it's alright, because my work is slow right now, and I feel less guilty about blog reading than I do about watching episodes of Modern Family and 16 And Pregnant on my work computer. NOT THAT I DO THAT. But, um, if I ever did that, I'd probably feel really bad. You know, in theory.

But back to blog reading. If a post strikes me as really interesting, funny, or important, I save it in my Gmail. And today, I'm gonna share some of those links with you.

Maybe you can help?

When life gives you Limes

Funny Stuff from Grown-Ups.

You can't HANDLE the Pioneer Woman.

Kids will spice up your sex life.

The best argument for a Snuggy I've ever heard.

Funny Stuff from Kids.

Goodnight, blemish.

I need a bra!

Important Stuff

I love reading posts like this next one. They deal with hard subjects, but leave you laughing and feeling hopeful.

Officially Quirky

And that's it. Well, ok, that's not really all of them. But I didn't want to overwhelm you.

If you come across any blog posts you think I'd enjoy, please let me know.

Here is a question for you. Of all of your blog posts, which ones are your very favorites? I would love to come and check them out.


Monday, March 22, 2010

Yes, you can smile.



Ever notice that people don't look happy in their passport Photos? Yeah, that's always bugged me. That picture is gonna stick with you for ten years.
"I look like a ballroom dancer that is going to kill someone. I call it my Jason Bourne photo. The lady wouldn't let me smile in mine. She told me to "look pleasant" and when I tried she said I was smiling too much." -Ashley, AKA: The Stiletto

So a few weeks ago when I was applying for a passport, I decided to go for it. What's the worst that could happen? I'd get denied, possibly imprisoned, and Kurt would have to take someone else on the cruise?

...So it was risky. But sometimes big risks pay off.

And it worked.

Yup, this is my passport photo. Not kidding. I took it myself, and printed it out, and sent it in with my application (after cropping it to the required 2x2 inches).

The guy at the Post Office was all, "Um, I don't think you can smile."

But I had done my homework. "I actually called, and as long as it's a relaxed smile, and you don't scrunch up your eyes, it should be fine."

He still didn't believe me.

But guess who just got her passport in the mail??

That's right! Take that Mister Post Office Man. The picture worked just fine.

The moral of this story? Smile. It's legal.

I promise.

.


Party in the USA!



Sweet! My boss just called in sick. Which is sad, of course. But it means I get to crank up the music and dance around the office in my bare feet! Yes!

I just told Annie (my sister in law) about my plan over Gchat, and she was all "No way! I'm listening to pandora in my bare feet too!" Basically, that's how all the cool people spend their work days.

Here, I'll take a picture. It'll be just like you're here, dancing with me.


I used the ten second delay on my camera. But I think my flash is making me look washed out.

....you wish you had my moves.

........and my awesome hairstyle.




--UPDATED LATER--

I took a few more pictures.

How can you not dance to Michael Jackson? Not gonna lie though. This is the only move I know from that dance. So I just do it over and over again.




You should see my Fancy Shuffle. It will change your life.



Then things got a little crazy...

I think I threw my hip out with this last move. But it was worth it.




--UPDATED EVEN LATER--


I just took this picture of Annie, at her work! I used a webcam. She works in an Assisted Living Center in Utah. And they have really good taste in music.


I guess the Stanky Legg song was a hit.


Saturday, March 20, 2010

Dammit!



This is a Country Dammit Doll, by Crafts By Amanda. I guess these were popular back around World War II. She has instructions on her site. Here is the little poem that goes along with it





DAMMIT DOLL

When you want to climb the wall,
And stand right up and shout.
There's a little Dammit doll
You cannot do without.

Just grasp it firmly by the legs,
And find a place to slam it.
And as you whack the stuffing out
Yell Dammit, Dammit, Dammit!

If Dammit's not a word you say
Then twist its little neck
And grumble out repeatedly
Oh Heck, Oh Heck, Oh Heck!

And once your done abusing it
Just sit it on the shelf.
But hug it first, as I'd hug you
If I were there myself.


Friday, March 19, 2010

Adjusting to this whole marriage thing.



"If you loved me, you'd empty your voicemail."

And I thought I was dramatic.

But ok. Done. You know what else, Kurt? I made the bed this morning. AND brushed my teeth. JUST FOR YOU.

....We speak very different love languages.


Thursday, March 18, 2010

Degree Red Satin



Your armpits will be irresistible.

(click here)


Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Trapped in an office all day...




When the sun is shining outside.

It's like prison.

Only voluntary.

...and I'm not sure it's worth it.


Monday, March 15, 2010

BIG NEWS.



No, I'm not pregnant.

But I am turning 25 this week. I accidentally typed 256 just now. That's about how old I feel. I think my body just realized how old it's getting, and decided to give up. My hips and knees have been aching this weekend, and that is the only explanation I can come up with.

In honor of my Quarter-Of-A-Century birthday, I've got a few exciting announcements!

First of all, I'm opening an Etsy Shop! I've got everything ready to go, except the pictures of the products. It's been all rainy and gloomy here in the Pitts, and I haven't been able to get a decent picture. So as soon as I get home from work today, I'm just gonna use the flash and photoshop the heck out of them.

Second of all, I've arranged an awesome Giveaway! Here is a preview:

I know, right? That Giveaway is tomorrow, so be sure to check back then!

And Third of all... ok, I guess I don't have a Third of all. I just like the way that sounds.

Have I mentioned it's my birthday this week? If you haven't checked out my Birthday Wishlist, you probably should. How else will you know what to get me? Plus, there are a whole bunch of pretty pictures, and you might get some new ideas to add to your Wishlist. Click here to check that out.

Thanks for reading my rambly post!


Friday, March 12, 2010

Childhood Memories.



My mom had 4 kids in 5 years. Because she was crazy. And she loved little babies.

Turns out babies grow into grouchy kids, and when you squish them all into a car for a 3 hour drive to Grandma's house, you're lucky if everyone survives.

"She's looking out my window! MAKE HER STOP!"

"He's touching me!"

"I hate this music."

"I'm hungry."

"She's breathing my air!"

"But I don't like peanut butter!"

"I NEED TO GO POTTY!!"

"Stop looking at me!"

"I'm telling!"

"Mom, I have to go potty, too!"

"I AM NOT A BABY!"

"But I didn't have to go 5 minutes ago!"

"She called me a Poop-Head! PUNISH HER!"

And of course

"ARE WE THERE YET?"

Ah, kids. The best birth control there is. Whenever I start feeling baby hungry, I just think about my childhood. Yeah, I had fun. But my poor mom...Frazzled barely begins to cover it.

Lets just say, we didn't take road trips very often...


Thursday, March 11, 2010

My Favorite Word



My very favorite word is Windowsill. It just sounds so pretty when you say it. Go ahead, try it out loud. "Windowsill." See?

Do you have a favorite word?

Another word that I think is really, really pretty is Diarrhea. I'm serious! I don't like Diarrhea the noun, obviously. But if it didn't mean, well, diarrhea it would be a really beautiful word. And I'd probably name my kid that (Only, with one "r"). But I won't. Because it is a noun. And I'm pretty sure that child would hate my for life. That is, if she survived middle school.

And really, who could blame her?


Wednesday, March 10, 2010

I finally got off my butt and made something.



The last time I made anything was... well, way too long ago. And so I am super proud to unveil my latest craft!

More picture frames!

I know, I know. Not that original. But hey, it's something! And I think they turned out pretty cute.

Here they are together. And yes, I realize they sort of clash.

In case you are curious, here's a rundown on how to make them.

Buy really cheap wood frames from Michaels. These were $1, but I bought them with 40% off coupons. So you're looking at sixty cent frames!

Trace and cut out a piece of paper to fit the frame. Then Mod Podge it on. Be sure and smooth out the bubbles!

While that's drying, cut out a piece of Burlap to fit the cardboard square in the center. Podge that on.

Decorate the burlap. I used stamps and little glass rocks and a paper flower. Be creative (I'm picturing a green Shamrock...).

Distress the edges of the frame with ink, and then paint a layer of Podge on top, to protect it.

And ta daa! A great little gift, or something to spruce up a shelf. Sorry the picture quality is so bad. I took these at work, right before I mailed them out. Like I said, they make awesome presents.

I am gonna link up to all of these parties. I recommend you do the same :)

.


Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Top Two Baby Names



I know, 2 posts in one day. But the last one was little, and I really want to participate in this. Don't judge me.






Taylor over at The Undomestic Momma is doing favorite baby names for her Top Two Tuesday. PERFECT TIMING. I just barely figured this out.*

It's like she read my mind. Or has spy cameras in my house. Either way, I'm flattered.

My Top 2 Favorite Names are:

Girl: Piper.

But Kurt hates it. This was my second favorite until he announced that he would rather die than name his child Piper. At that moment, it became my very favorite name, and I would rather die than give it up.

Boy: Ammon. Which he is ok with.

And Kurt's top 2 are:

Girl: Harper. I like it. But not as much as Piper.

Boy: Hunter. I'm not sure about it yet.


(If you were just curious about the names, you should probably stop here)


*I couldn't sleep the other night. So to pass the time, I grabbed a pen and a scrap of paper, and started writing down all my favorite baby names. It took me a few hours (Yes, hours), because I needed to try all kinds of first and middle name combinations. And boy/girl combinations. I mean, what if I have twins? Rhyming names are so overrated (unless your baby names rhyme. those are probably adorable).

No, I'm not pregnant. Just obsessive.

Names are a big deal in our family. When I was 10 years old, I announced that I was gonna name my son Parker. It's a family name.

A few years later, Amber got mad because she wanted to use that name, and she had always been planning on it, and it just wasn't fair.

That's when I remembered that I had really decided on it when I was 3- no, still in the womb.

Turns out she remembers wanting it before she was even conceived.

You guys, this fight still hasn't ended.

Then Jimmy (my brother) married Annie. Who is gonna name her son James Parker Kaiser the 5th. Or 6th. Or maybe 3rd. And then instead of calling him Jimmy, like his daddy, she is gonna use his middle name. Parker.

I hate her.

So yeah, names are a big deal. To avoid any more hostility, my sister decided to get organized. We each have a baby name list which we update yearly.

And if someone has already called a name, you can't have it on your list. Unless it's far down on your list. And then you need permission.

I know.

So there I was, updating my list, erasing ones I'd gotten over, adding new ones. ALL NIGHT.

In church the next day, I earnestly whispered to Kurt "So, I have 8 girl names and 8 boy names that I love. Looks like we are having 16 kids."

He rolled his eyes. Which is code for "I completely agree."


When your Boss is also your Bishop,



You just have to get used to the constant scripture-reading at work.

Not bad. Just weird.


Monday, March 8, 2010

Birthday Wishlist



Dear Kurt,

My birthday is next week. And I know you haven't had time to think about a present yet. I completely understand, school is kicking your butt right now. So here is a list of some of my favorite things, in case you need some inspiration.




Spotted Sparrow Necklace, by MDsparks.





Gray Wrist Warmers by Talk 2 the Trees

She gives free shipping to people who follow her on her blog, Twitter, or become a fan on Facebook.





Peas in a Pod, by Joolie Joolery.

You may have seen these on Pioneer Woman....if you read Pioneer Woman. I don't know, maybe you are a closet fan. It's ok, dude. I still think you are manly.





Love Birds - Eco Felt Cushion, by Sarah Smile Creations.

You know, to remind us that we are in love.





Autumn Kiss Necklace, by Tina Tarnoff.

This is the most romantic necklace I have ever seen.

And the process is fascinating. Click here to see how she makes each Papercut by hand.





Women's Crochet Mary Janes in Strawberry Tickle, by Broken Hallelujah (I love that name).





Three Bird Vases, by Catherine Reece.





Spring is Coming Couture Apron, by The Empty Nest.

She includes shipping in the cost, which is so much less confusing.





Pin Cushion--Mashroom, by Tea Taste.

It comes in Purple and Blue. I would love both.





Who's Out There...Fabric Magnets, byPaper Pumpkin.





Owls and Mushrooms Pocket Mirror, by Lee Arthaus





Laundry Day Pushpins, by Katie Leroy

These made you smile, didn't they?





Tiny Little Owl Earrings, by Lulu Bug Jewelry

There is a matching necklace here, in case you want to make it a set. I would be so ok with that.





And that's my birthday wishlist. You should probably just get them all. Kidding.

...sort of.

If you have something else in mind, that's ok. I'm sure I will love it. And I can always buy these things for myself with May's allowance (I would do it in April, but I'm saving up for your birthday present).

Love,

Helena

PS. These are all Etsy shops. Which means that you should probably click on the links when you have a moment, to see what else they have made. You will not be disappointed. I promise.




(Ok friends, let me know what you think of my list. What do you love about it? And what would you like to buy me? Kidding again... sort of)

.


Thursday, March 4, 2010

Sometimes my boss forgets to put his teeth in.



And I have no idea what to say when this happens.


Happy Birthday David!



My brother David is turning 15 today! He is such a great kid. Always has been. Probably my influence.

David is ten years younger than I am. when I was little I thought that was so cool- It would always be easy to remember how old he was.

But now I'm all "In just 4 years he'll be going on a mission!

...and I'll be almost 30. CRAP."

Last year for his Birthday, we threw a surprise party for him at Outback Steakhouse. He loves that restaurant. Especially their bread. I think he ate 12 of those little loafs of bread all by himself.

The waitress made him get up on a chair and dance. At first he was all "Heck no I won't!" But then he got into it.

He had broken his collar bone tumbling a few weeks before, which is why he is rocking a sling in this picture.

Kurt and I weren't even engaged at that point. I'm pretty sure that was during the "Is he ever going to propose???" phase of our relationship. Here's a picture of us from that night.

Notice how tan I am? Yup, that's over.


Tuesday, March 2, 2010

This is probably too mushy to read.



Do you have a song? We do. "Then" by Brad Paisley. Kurt heard it first, and told me he had found our song. And I fell a little bit more in love.

Does your heart stop and stutter when your song comes on? Mine does. Literally.

Well, ok, maybe it just feels that way. It's like an electric current goes through me, and makes my hands shake a little. I start remembering our wedding day (we danced to this song), and my eyes get watery.

And when it gets to the part about how he can just see me with a baby on the way, and when my hair is turning gray, I can see it too! Not because I'm pregnant and graying. I'm not either of those things yet. But someday I will be, and Kurt will be there. And just thinking about it makes me excited.

This is such a mushy post.

But you see, today I was just sitting there at work, writing up a research project, with my headphone in my ear. And this song came on. I don't listen to it very often, because I don't want to get used to it. Or tired of it. I want it to stay special. So when it sneaks up on my like that, I don't stand a chance. I just melt into a gooey puddle on the floor.

Also literally.

This post has you gagging, doesn't it? Well, I'm just gonna kick that mushiness up a notch by embedding my wedding video. It's a collage of pictures and videos, made for us by our friend Brian. If you are interested in having something this rediculously romantic for yourself, his contact information is here.



I know what you are thinking. "Please tell me you whip this out and show it to everyone who visits your home."

.....How did you know?

It is one of my favorite ways to entertain guests, and get compliments at the same time. When I ask them what they think of it, they have to say something nice. Especially if I make them watch it before dinner. That way they are too hungry to duck out the back.

If I could go back and change something, I would submit more pictures of me as a grown up. I didn't see how many Kurt was submitting, and I look really boring in comparison. Sigh.

Kurt would probably be embarrassed if he knew I was posting this. So you guys have to promise not to tell him. Ok?


**UPDATED: Right after I posted this, I turned to Kurt and said "You are gonna be really mad when you see what I just posted on my blog."

I am so bad at keeping secrets.


Monday, March 1, 2010

Check this out



Welcome to March! Possibly the best month of the year. Mostly because of my birthday.

During February, I spent a whole lotta time on the internet. You know, instead of crafting. Or cleaning. And I found a lot of really interesting stuff. I collected all of the best links, and have been keeping a list in my gmail. And today I decided to share them with you.

I know, I know. It's a big list. But they are worth your time. Trust me. So go read them all. Or bookmark this post, and come back later when you have a few moments. Because this is stuff you won't want to miss.


Important Links


The birth story of Nella Cordelia.


Violence Unsilenced.


Funny Links


Is That My Uterus in that Taurus?


Letter to Mr. Match.com


My favorite advice column.


It might be poisoned, but it's cheap.


Possibly the best cover ever.


The joys of having a son.


Netflix Instant Movies I recommend:


Outsourced

Pheobe in wonderland

Last Chance Harvey


Useful Links


How to put on a sports bra.


Fashion Inspiration.


How important is your relationship status?


And that's a wrap. What do you think? Which links did you really connect with and/or appreciate? Or were there too many?


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