The other night, Kurt really needed to study. But it was 2:30 am, and he could barely keep his eyes open.
"Helena, do you mind waking me up in an hour? I know you aren't going to sleep yet."
...Yeah. That's what happens when I'm unemployed.
"Sure thing. How badly do you need to wake up?"
"Pretty badly. I have to study."
At 3:30, I went in and tried to fulfill my end of the deal. But he wouldn't wake up. He has been averaging 4 hours a night, and I guess it had caught up to him.
I shook him, and tried to roll him over, but it didn't work very well. He just got all whiny and angsty, and didn't really make sense.
"Kurt, I need you to wake up. This was your idea!"
"Baby, you aren't 3. You need to use your words."
"Give me back my penis!!"
"You stole it! Give it baaaaaack!" He was very distressed.
I was doubled over with laughter.
"It's still there, Kurt, I promise!"
"Noooo, you took it! You're soooo meeeeeaan!!!"
I could barely gasp the words out.
"Kurt, I didn't take your penis!"
He scrunched his nose up, and frowned in my general direction. I could tell he didn't believe me.
My stomach ached from laughing so hard.
After a few more minutes of reassuring him that his penis was still there, I told him that I was going to turn on the shower.
He mostly ignored this, muttering about how he had married a thief.
Until he heard the water running.
"Nooooo, turn it ooooffff!"
"Kurt, you need to wake up!"
"No, I need sleeeep."
"Well, I need you to wake up enough to make a conscious decision about this. If you get out of the shower, and still decide to sleep, I will leave you alone."
"Why are you so aaaawful?? I can't haaaandle it!"
"Kurt, just sit up."
"You are a baaad personnnn!"
"I know, I am, but you need to wake up!"
"I NEED TO SLEEP!"
"I don't know if that's really you talking!!"
"It is! It's really me, NOT MY CERVIX!!"
And then I died laughing.
In the end I decided to let the poor guy sleep. His penis (and his cervix) deserved some rest.
If only I had a bedroom camera.
This one would have gone viral.
I'm linking this one up to the Friday Funny Link Up with The Mayor of Crazy Town.