Thursday, November 4, 2010

Dolls are nice. Until they try to kill you.

My grandma has a lot of dolls.

One time, I was spending the night at her house, and I got up to use the bathroom. I must have been around 5 years old. I had to creep through the doll room to get to there, and for some reason I was crawling.

Maybe to add to the adventure?

I was about half way through that room when I looked up, and realized that hundreds of eyes were staring at me.


I got up, and ran as fast as I could! I was too scared to look over my shoulder, but I could feel them gaining on me.

I dashed into the bathroom, and shut the door. Panting, I triple-checked the lock, and my little body sagged with relief.

That was close. Too close.

I spent the next few minutes with my ear to the door, trying to hear what the dolls were planning. But they must have been talking really quietly, because I couldn't hear a thing.

Finally, my need to pee overruled my sense of self preservation, and I grabbed a toothbrush from the counter. I figured it would be a good weapon if they broke down the door. Then I climbed up on the toilet to do my business.

When I was done, I put my ear back against the door, and listened as hard as I could.

...Nothing. They must already be in position, ready to ambush me as soon as I opened the door.

I didn't want to die that way.

I'm not sure how many hours I spent huddled on the bathroom floor before I fell asleep.

In the morning, I crept back out to look at the dolls. It was just as I suspected. They had snuck back into their normal positions before my grandma could catch them at it.

They may have fooled her, but I knew the truth.

And they knew it, too.



Macey said...

OMGOSH. That is hilarious!
What's funny for me is that my grandma gave me a creepy lamp that had a doll on it and I woke up in the middle of the night convinced that thing was going to kill me. It was and still is a source of amusement for my family. Jerks.

Unknown said...

Whew, good thing they weren't clowns...then I might not be able to sleep for the next month!

Kimberly said...

my friend has this weird obsession with stuffed bears. Try waking up to that in the middle of the night still drunk...creeeeeepy.

beka said...

Ahhhh! 'someday they will be yours'...
Well, I'd burn 'em or something before that happens.
I imagined similar things with Gram's random stuffed animals/dolls....creeeeepy! Hah:)

Jean Has Been Shopping said...

What is it with old ladies and their doll collections? (No offense to gramma.)
Glad you survived, armed with your toothbrush. Cute!

ComfyMom~Stacey said...

My grandma had these drawings of what were supposed to be cute friendly bears in her bathroom. One was taking a shower & the other was brushing it's teeth. But I could tell by the way their eyes followed me they were just waiting for me to drop my guard & then one night they would eat me while I was showering.

When she passed away I learned that my brother & my cousins all felt the same way about the creepy bear art & none of us would take it when her house was sold.

Shell said...

Your cartoons always crack me up!

the thrifty ba said...

so, is grandma still with us? and are her dolls?

Anonymous said...

It wasn't dolls at our house. It was the alligator living under my bed. No really. But if I ran, jumped on the rug, then jumped on the bed he couldn't get me.

Gosfam said...

That is a GREAT story. I can see myself doing the same thing. I was a very paranoid little girl :)

TKW said...

I'm cackling at that last picture with the glowing red eyes. That many lifeless eyes *would* freak a girl out.

Topsy said...

That one was funny!

Vanessa said...

Aaand....I still have the "childish" active imagination you've exhibited in this blog post. Always some creature out to get me... :D

Alexandra said...

You have got to be one of the funniest little girls I know.

You need to go BIG, honey, BIG.

Because you are waaaaaaaaay too funny.

tulpen said...

The pictures are killing me!

As will the nightmare I have tonight in which a horde of scary ass dolls dismembers me.


JoJo said...

Hahaha that was great!

After the first toy story I was convinced my barbies were alive too and I tried spying on them all the time.

mypixieblog said...

LMAO!!! This post had me hysterical the whole way through, because I remember thinking the same thing about my dolls when I was younger. I was convinced they were plotting against me and that they would have secret tea parties while we were sleeping.

I think our wild imaginations transformed us into the well-adjusted young ladies we are today, hmmm??

Thanks so much for stopping by on my SITS day!

Unknown said...

That is hilarious! Those dolls absolutely could not be trusted. You did the right thing. All dolls are murderers and it's time people knew it. Thanks for making it known.

BTW, you said my toilet paper post over at Scary Mommy's site made you out of breath. I hope you caught it. You will need it next time you are running away from those evil dolls. :)

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