It spoke to me.
When I was little (let's say 6-ish), I decided that sitting on the toilet was boring. I needed to spice things up.
So I started straining my pee. Whenever I sat on the toilet, I would leave my underwear on. On purpose. To strain it.
And then when I was done, I would just pull my pants up and get on with my day. I didn't have to wipe or anything- bonus.
Sure, it was pretty uncomfortable running around with wet jeans, but I didn't let that get in the way of my experiment.
.....I can only imagine what I smelled like.
When that got old, I started peeing outside. My brother Jimmy got to do it on camp outs, and it sounded like fun.
I would crouch in the bushes next to our house, with my pants around my ankles. Once I got going, I would have to shuffle my feet to avoid stepping in the river. You never knew which way it was going to flow, so I had to be very alert.
I quickly discovered that leaves and grass don't make very good toilet paper.
Then it got cold, and running outside whenever I had to go lost it's appeal. I thought about it for a while, and I realized that I needed to learn to pee standing up. If I could do that, I could do anything.
This one was tricky. I had some ideas, involving standing on the toilet seat, or maybe using a bent peace of paper. But after a few failed experiments (Kids, why is there a puddle of pee on the floor? Again???), I was ready to give up.
Then one afternoon I was helping my mom bake, and a funnel caught my eye.
The next time I had to use the bathroom, I dashed into the kitchen, and grabbed the funnel.
It worked perfectly. I thought about keeping the funnel in the bathroom, for easy access. But I was worried about getting caught. In the end, I snuck it back into the kitchen drawer, in between to pasta scooper and the cheese grater.
I'm about 99% sure that I didn't wash it.
When I told Kurt these stories, he just stared at me in horror.
"Come on dude, it's not that weird."
"We are never having children."
I'm sure you all have stories like this. Right?
So I just googled "pee funnel for women" and it turns out it's a big market. I was way ahead of my time.
Maybe I'll just put one of these on my Christmas Wishlist. For old times sake.
"I bet you just lost 20 followers." -Kurt