Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Pittsburgh traffic is good exercise. For my middle finger.



I've talked about it before. A few times. But Pittsburgh drivers drive me crazy.

I used to be such a nice driver. So easy going, always willing to share the road.

And then I moved here, and quickly learned the value of the ten second honk.


If you are planning a trip to visit me, here are some things you need to know beforehand:

1. Four way stops have different rules here. It's more of a "screw right-of-way, I'm going too!" experience than anything else. Get ready to use your horn for this one.

2. Speaking of right-of-way; people here just don't understand it. If you don't stop at the green light to let the apposing traffic turn left whenever they want to, YOU will get the ten second honk/double finger treatment.

3. Watch out for the bus. They assume that since they are so much bigger than you, they can do whatever they want. I like to hold my ground (but not when Kurt is in the car, because he is a wimp, and is always worrying about things like "getting in an accident" and "dying").

4. I drive fast. I always have. And unlike Utah, you aren't going to get pulled over for it unless you are also swerving like a drunk person (in which case, you probably are a dunk person). Pittsburgh has real crime, and the cops have more to do than fill their quotas with minor violations. So that's a plus.

BUT. I cannot stand tailgaters. And people in Pittsburgh like to tailgate. When I am already going (some random number) over the speed limit, and you come up on my butt and try to force me to go faster, do not be surprised when I tap my brakes.

 (source)

And if you ignore my little warning? I may also decide to slow down gradually. Until I am going around 15 miles below the speed limit.

And to think, only minutes ago, we were flying by at 25 some random number over. Too bad you went and ruined it, native Pittsburgh driver.

So if you see me right after I get home from work, please give me a minute to calm down. Or I might bite your head off, and shove my middle finger up your nose.

(Figuratively, of course.)


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I'm linking this to my sister's meme, Small Treasures Tuesday. Because Pittsburgh traffic sure is a treasure.






18 comments:

Mama Mary said...

I could never drive there because I got hot under the collar just reading this post. I get road rage and totally bust out the middle finger and the brake tap tactic when pushed to my limits on the road. And, I need that liscense plate. but mine would say di'n't. Love, your SITS tribemate

Untypically Jia said...

Yikes. I guess I'm going to just have to go to a Steelers away game then. LOL!

4stemmes said...

I get into car-fights all.the.time. A week ago, I had to take my husband to the hospital because I thought he had appendicitis and a fucking SUV wouldn't leave me the fuck alone (tailgaiting, flipping me off after they almost hit ME, etc.) so I slammed on my brakes and when they almost hit me, I took off like a bat outta hell. Greg yelled at me the entire time but he does the same shit too. I can only imagine what our kids will be like once they start driving . . .

Gosfam said...

I better never move to Pittsburgh--my husband would be out of control I am pretty sure.

mccall said...

yup. i've experienced this road rage of yours that you speak of. {when we were driving to Virginia}.

but seriously... it's bad in pittsburgh!

Allison @ House of Hepworths said...

Oh my gawd Helena you seriously crack me up!!! I lived in Joyzeee for a year (2008) and I've been to PA many many time. I just laughed out loud several times when reading your post because you are so right on the money. Jersey is the same way as well. "the 10 second honk" is right! I STILL do the 10 second honk now that im back in Texas and it drives my friends and family crazy! Here in TX drivers are generally nice so when I lay on my horn for a full 10, or 30, seconds people start cringing. I can't help it though. Bad habbits die hard.
I do so miss the east coast because it's just so beautiful but I will NEVER miss the drivers and all the freaking rude people everywhere.

the thrifty ba said...

you think they are bad-watch out for jersey drivers!

Corinne said...

Omg I completely agree!!!
I can NEVER drive in Pittsburgh because I end up heated, yelling, cursing and just all around completely peeved off.

Shell said...

Oh, the Pittsburgh left. Where it is assumed that if you are at a red light, when it turns green, you must let the person coming from the opposing direction turn left even if they do not get a green arrow. It is their right as the first person in line.

viewfromdownhere said...

Oh silly boys...worrying about things like irreparable injuries and death. Come on...stop being such a wuss...

Kenzie said...

Ha Ha! Tell Kurt to loosen up! And you sound like me, my girls are always telling me to apologize for calling people bad names, fortunately I have toned it down from *^#(&%$$^ words to idiot! In Colorado we despise Texas drivers, they are always going really really really slow and insist on driving in the passing lane. Or it's even worse if you are in the mountains, they seriously go 10 miles an hour! Now I'm fired up!

Chantel said...

I never realized Kurt was a wimp before...

This post made my day. Too funny! I'll definitely keep all of those things in mind when I finally have enough money to visit.

ps. Love the Halloween look of your blog. It's awesome.

Chantel said...

pps. Thanks for linking up to Small Treasure Tuesdays!

Mruna Mistry said...

All this applies to my city too only ten times multiplied! I'm deathly scared of buses...they really seem to think they own the road or similar!

Bryan and Jamie said...

I am so glad you added the part about slow drivers. You might want to re-title that part, SUNDAY DRIVERS. It seems like they really go the slowest on sunday. When I am already late for Church. And swearing on the way to church just doesn't seem like the best way to start my day.

~~Mia~~ said...

i wanna come with you for a car ride!!!!!!!

this part of your post almost (i said almost...i am not YOU, helena) made me pee my pants:

"because he is a wimp, and is always worrying about things like "getting in an accident" and "dying"."

oh yes, hilarious. i love it.

Jenni said...

Oh GIRL. I am so glad I just found your blog, you are HUH-larious!!! Looking forward to following you!!!!! :)

Lisa said...

seriously, you think we burghers are bad? No way! I grew up in Chicago, now THAT is traffic!

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