"A Kaiser Girl is working at Victoria's Secret??"
(I don't get it. You guys know me- of course I would work at Victoria's Secret.)
It was like they expected me to immediately start humping random strangers in the dressing rooms.
(Not that there's anything wrong with doing that.)
(Kidding, obviously. That would be immoral. At least exchange names first.)
I learned a lot of important things that summer:
1. How to stop a shoplifter in his tracks:
"Excuse me! Sorry, but that thong is falling out of your pocket. Would you like me to put it back for you?"
2. How to diagnose the problem in a bra:
"See how your boob is overflowing? That means the bra cup is too small. Nice tattoo, by the way."
3. How to make enemies of the other sales girls:
"Oh hey, it's time for my break! Have fun getting that guy out of her dressing room. She's moaning so loud, it's frightening the other customers."
4. How to reassure a cross-dresser with a perfectly straight face:
"You and your wife want matching lingerie? No problem. Do you two prefer lace, or leather?"
But my most useful life skill?
5. How to measure your chest, and determine your bra size.
And now I'm going to share that wisdom with you.
Before we begin
Take a tape measure. Or a piece of string and a ruler.
Put a bra on. One with little or no padding works best. This makes it MUCH easier to find the fullest point of your chest, which we will need for step 2.
Step 1. Determining Your Band Size
Tightly measure your ribs, right under your boobs. Your arms should be down. If this measurement is an odd number, round up to the nearest even number. Make a note of the inches. For me, it's 31", so I round up to 32.
That's your band size. I wear a 32 (but a 34 fits on the tightest notch).
A note about notches: The problem with starting on the tightest notch is that as you wear it, the material will stretch. If you're starting on the loosest notch, you can gradually tighten it.
If your band size is an even number, you may want to go up 2 inches. If I was a 34, a 36 might fit better. It depends on the stretch of the material.
Do not add 5 inches! That is an outdated method, which dates back to 1930. Back then bra design was new, and that system does not work with the stretchier materials used today.
Step 2. Determining Your Cup Size
Measure around the fullest part of your chest. Do this loosely. You should be able to fit 2-3 fingers between your chest and the tape measure/string. Make a note of those inches. For me, it's 38".
Now, what's the difference between the cup size measurement and the band size measurement?
Here is the equation, with my numbers: 38-31 = 7.
For each inch of difference, you have a letter.
1 inch = A
2 inches = B
3 inches = C
4 inches = D
5 inches = DD
6 inches = E
7 inches = F
And so on.
So yes, I am a 32 F. Try finding that size in a store.
Which brings me to my next point. What if you are in a store, and you fall in love with a bra, but they don't have it in your size?
If you are normally a 34C, you can try a on 36B. The cups will fit, because the cups on a 34C and a 36B are the same size. The band will be a little loose, but you can try it on it's tightest notch, or work some safety-pin magic (ghetto, but semi-effective).
Where most women go wrong.
Because the cup size is directly related to the band size, if you are fairly slim, you may need a large cup size even though your boobs don't look any bigger than average.
The pros of wearing the correct size:
Your boobs will get better support. Which means they will sag less.
(this is incredibly useful. I learned things, and I'm an expert.)
Disclaimer: Using this method will tell you what size to try on first. Bra size can be effected by distribution of body fat, back proportions, or a difference in the manufacturers sizing, among other things. There are many factors that interact with your bra size, and I can't predict them all.
(all uncredited images used in this post have been purchased)