A year ago tonight (the 8th of July) I was getting a pedicure. In my dads living room. As my feet were soaking in an inflatable pool of hot water, my fingernails were being carefully french-tipped.
"Stop fidgeting! I need to concentrate."
While Amber worked on my fingers, Chantel sat next to me and stared. Creepily.
"Are you nervous?"
"Um, yeah" I said quietly. "Like, a lot. Not about tomorrow, just, you know, about....tomorrow. I should go work on the signs. Or maybe we can go over the music again?"
"No!" They exclaimed together. Looking from one exasperated face to the other, I realized there was no way my sisters were going to let me leave that couch alive.
Sometimes its hard to remember that I'm the big sister. Amber is so much better at it than I am. Probably because she got married a few years before then, and once people are further along in their life stages, it's weird to think of them as younger.
Or maybe it's because she's taller.
"Helena, tonight is about relaxing. While your fingernails are drying, I'll get your bubble bath ready. That is, if I ever finish them. Stop fidgeting."
I rolled my eyes, but it was just for show. I knew they were right.
Chantel leaned back, and rephrased her question carefully. "So, are you excited?"
"I am. Of course. Except....Well...." I took a deep breath, and then blurted it out really fast: "I'm not sure I want to have sex! I mean, not tomorrow."
They stared at me, eyebrows raised. I leaned in and whispered:
"You guys, it's scheduled."
It was true. Tomorrow night, we were scheduled to do it. It had been penciled in (in dark green ink) and mailed to hundreds of people.
There was even a Facebook group devoted to the event! I mean, it was called something different, like "1+1=FOREVER" or something similarly awesome and facebook-group-worthy. But everyone knew what that meant.
WE ARE HAVING SEX ON THIS DATE. BRING PRESENTS.
As I slipped into the bubble bath a few minutes later, I made a vow to myself. I might not make him wait for days, but he could damn well wait until after the reception. No after-brunch quickies, or in-the-car hump fests. No way buddy. I waited 24 years for this night, and he had better make it romantic, or so help me...
I felt a lot better after that. In fact, I was kind of hoping he would try to get it on outside the Temple. I knew just what I would say.
I leaned back in the bubbles, and opened the Cosmo magazine sitting next to the tub.
....Huh. So many choices. Maybe that one, with the handstand? Or hey this one is only a level two difficulty...
(Warning: You aren't gonna want your kids to be staring over your shoulder for either of those. Or, you know, your boss)
So thank you Chantel, for keeping me company. And Amber, you knew just what to say. And Cosmo....what the heck are you doing in my wedding pictures?