Andrew is my best friend. He's thoughtful, caring, and always on my side- especially when I've been fighting with my husband. He's pretty much like my sister, only he's a guy. And he looks a lot like Kurt.
I vent. It's how I deal. When I don't vent, I seethe and stew and get angrier and angrier until the small, slightly irritating event has been blown way out of proportion and I DON'T CARE IF I'M OVERREACTING, KURT. THIS IS HOW I FEEL, AND IF YOU LOVED ME YOU WOULD RESPECT THAT.
Yeah. I am that much fun to live with. You know you wish you were married to me.
So to avoid having a major meltdown every few days, I talk to people. My sisters, my brother. My dad sometimes. Depends on the problem. They are all used to it, and know exactly what to say. Since getting married, I mostly talk to Amber when I'm upset at Kurt. She's been married for a long time, so she understands, and she likes Kurt enough that she isn't gonna start hating him.
They listen, they commiserate, they validate, and then they make me see that he probably didn't mean it, and he loves me, and I really should go talk to him.
Kurt is so not ok with it.
In fact, a few months ago we had a GIANT fight about it.
So now what? He can be a real jerk sometimes, and if I'm not allowed to talk to anyone, I feel very isolated and alone. And then the anger grows and grows and I stop doing the dishes for a week because that is the perfect punishment for him, and he needs to pay.
So we compromised. This is where Andrew comes in.
"I tried it Kurt! I tried not talking to anyone. But now I feel like I am going to explode!"
"Then talk to me."
"Talk to you about you? No way. You'd just get defensive and try to explain your side and I"M NOT READY TO HEAR THAT YET."
"Maybe... could you pretend like I'm someone else?"
.....huh. That could work.
*Sniffle* "Ok. You can be my best friend. Are you a girl?"
"Um, probably not."
"Then you have to be gay. Because I can't have a best guy friend who is straight. That's just a bad idea."
"Should we use our cell phones?"
"I don't think so."
"Ok. Then... how about we are at your apartment. And your name is Andrew."
It worked. I was able to tell Andrew about how awful Kurt was acting, and he followed all the steps. Listening, commiserating, validating.
"He doesn't deserve you honey."
It was great. He got a little distracted by the window "I'm trying to picture some fabulous curtains", but other than that he was exactly what I needed.
I know it sounds crazy. But it works for us.
Do you guys have any crazy/brilliant or quirky things that work for you?