Tuesday, May 18, 2010

I miss her.

May 13, 2010

I stood in my bedroom, staring blankly at my pile of clothes. What are you supposed to wear to a funeral? Black? Gray? Just something nice? I'm not even sure what fits anymore.

I never met him. The man who died. None of us had. His father is the dean of Kurt's dental school. This son was in the Navy. Intelligence. They may never know who killed him, or why.

All I know for sure is that he was 30. Much too young to die.

I picked up a gray skirt, and held it in front of me. I looked into the mirror, but I couldn't focus very well through my tears.

I thought about the last time I stood over a pile of clothes, wondering what to wear to a funeral.

It was April 6th, 2004.

And she was only 44.


Unknown said...

Oh, my... I'll just cry with you...43 is too young...just lost my mom last October. I miss her too and can totally relate. ~Lanie

Andrea said...

Sounds like you could use a prayer. I have one with your name on it.

Kyle and Aly said...

I bet when she saw your tears and heard you cry, she wrapped her arms around you and held you. I know how it feels to lose a loved one. I bet not only did she hold you then, but she smiles each time you do something to make her laugh. Love to you at this time.

Sarah @HarriganHowdy said...

This makes my heart hurt for you. I've been missing my grandma recently, but I cannot imagine the pain of losing a mother. I, too, will pray for you right now.


Just Rhonda said...

i lost my little sister 10 years ago in august.
I feel for you! big hugs!

the thrifty ba said...

i never was able to wear the dress i wore to my godmothers funeral again.
which is too bad because i looked good in it.
im sure she is watching you now and so proud of you.
even though you are in pittsburgh.

Kenzie said...

I'm so sorry! You are in my prayers tonight.

Kristi Flanagan said...

Awe - I'm sorry. That is so young to lose a mom. I lost my dad when I was 21..... so I can related. Hate funerals, just hate them.


Punkin Seed Productions

Jen C. said...

Don't lose faith. You are being prayed for as these memories flood your soul. :-)

Christine said...


maleahbliss said...


michelle@somedaycrafts said...

My dad died when he was 57 of cancer. I was 24. I am grateful I got to have him that long, but so sad that he never got to meet my husband or kids. Your loss is great! I'm so sorry to read about it and to know of your battle with depression. It really is a battle. I've gone to war with it many times. Fight it! Thinking of and loving you (even if we've never met.)

Unknown said...

Saying a prayer for you today, honey. Great big HUGS!!

Marilyn Dickey said...


What timing! I was having one of those days too... I miss him. You seriously took the thoughts right out of my head and put them on your blog. If you need (or want) to talk, you've got my number.

Anyway. Know that you are loved, and certainly not alone. Depression is beasty - but you won't let it win.

Love you,

~~Mia~~ said...

Oh Lanie!!!! I have tears right now, I am SO SORRY. You are right, 30 is too young, 44 is too young and losing a Mom when you are too young...I can not imagine. I can't. I am sending you the biggest HUGS imaginable right now!!!!!!!!!


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