Monday, April 5, 2010

I'm still recovering.



You know when you half-finish a post, and then forget about it? That isn't so bad. But when it's a half finished scheduled post, and you forget about it, and then it posts when you aren't looking... that's not quite as fun.

How was your Easter? Mine was dramatic. You know, for someone who studied Marriage, Family, and Human Development in college, I sure make a lot of mistakes.

I mean, everybody is going to make mistakes. But I seem determined to make every single mistake that we covered in class over and over again.

You know, the classic ones.

Getting mad when he doesn't read your mind.

Getting so caught up in your holiday traditions that you ignore his ideas.

Running to your sisters to complain about how awful he is, and then getting mad at him when he gets mad at you for "turning your family against him" (which is so not true. They like him more than they like me).

I know better.

But I can't seem to help myself.

Or, I guess I can't seem to care enough in the moment to help myself.

And here I thought marriage was going to be easy.

(just kidding, I'm not crazy)

Everything was good, right up until The Fight Of The Century.

For example, Our Easter baskets turned out awesome. I filled them with Cadbury Mini Eggs and baby gummi bears, and even stuck in a few games and movies. He even said "This is the best Easter Basket ever!"

Which I already knew, of course.

Do you guys hide your Easter baskets? We did. Last year at my Dads house I hid Kurt's so well, it took him 12 hours to find it (I am that good).

This year it was the opposite- I had to get 2 hints before I found it! And we live in a 1 bedroom apartment. I was impressed.

And even though the evening was rather explosive, we did make up eventually. And we decided that we are going to talk about our holidays in advance, and plan them together, which is probably a good idea.

I'll let you know how that goes.

Did you guys have a hard time adjusting to being married?

Silly question, I bet everybody does. Still, if you have any similar stories to share, or words of encouragement, I would love to hear them.


7 comments:

Andrea said...

Remember...I am old...at least old enough to be your mom. Marriage is tough...what I have told my kids to remember is that: If you marry your best friend....on the days when they aren't so likable...you will always love them! We all have bad days and it takes time to get use to all those little quirky things the other one does. Look over the small stuff and choose your battles...
Blessings, andrea

Rachel said...

I was just talking to a best friend about this the other day. She's somewhat newly married and going through some rockiness...I think it's completely normal. I feel that marriages go through these stages (most of the time):

1) Honeymoon phase. Everything is perfect, you are perfect in his eyes and vice versa.

2) "Yikes, I found some things about you that really annoy me." You start getting used to eachother, you realize that they aren't perfect and there are some things that drive you crazy.

3) Really comfortable/more annoyed with eachother than not. Lots of bickering, know eachother well enough to know almost every habit, everything else about them but still haven't fully adjusted to living WITH them. You still haven't fallen into a rhythm yet. Things annoy you, but you still haven't quite figured out how to work around it or compromise. You start to wonder if you should have gotten married.

4) Adjusted/honeymoon phase 2. If you can make it through all of the BS above (which I estimate is the first 3-4 years, since most or many marriages fail somewhere around the 3 year mark), then you're doing pretty good. Now you can relax...you've learned how your partner responds to every situation so you know how they will react when a potential problem arises. You know when it's best to just avoid your husband because he's in a shitty mood. You learn when it's okay to try to cheer him up and how to do it. You know what you can expect from him, and how to communicate your needs when he doesn't know...and what you're going to do if he can't do what you want him to do. You bicker MUCH less and are happier overall. You feel a deeper connection.

5) Happy old couple: people who have stayed in phase 4 and grown together over the years.

My husband and I have been married for almost 6 years. We just got into stage 4 lol. When people ask me about marriage or for advice, I rather just tell them the truth. There are going to be times that are very, very hard. Sometimes, you are going to think that you hate him. There will be many fights about stupid things. Many tears...etc. But it gets easier over time.

Something else that I also always tell people is that I try to keep this in mind when I'm upset...I ask myself if what I'm mad about will be a big deal tomorrow? Next week? If not, then it's probably not even worth bringing up with him. Just get some time to yourslf, cool down, and carry on.

Gillian and Kevin Mohlman said...

Yea... I wrote about this on my blog a few weeks ago actually. Marriage is not easy! We never fought when we dated, so we thought we would never fight when we were married.. haha! Wrong. We do fight, and it's always about the dumbest things.

Both our families live within 20 minutes of us so we always have to choose who are are going to go visit. It's a pain. I always want one thing, and he wants another.. and blah blah :) I usually come up with these fun traditions we could do, and then he never thinks its necessary. Been there, done that.

But, through all the hard times, we always get through it and it gets easier and easier every time. I am glad I have a patient and kind husband. :) Really though, I think its completely normal to fight with your spouse. If it's every day and all the time, then that's unhealthy, but a little argument here and there is totally normal.

I am sorry you had a bad Easter though. Hopefully you have a fantastic week so that you can forget about it!

Nicole said...

I serious loved this post for one reason. . . serious flashbacks! Everyone does and it helps to remind yourself of this! Our happened to last a good intense year! Then miraculously one day we figured it out! You will too! communication away from emotion is key! And my dad always said that you will fight as long as you are trying to change the other person. You can do it!

Nicole said...

I serious loved this post for one reason. . . serious flashbacks! Everyone does and it helps to remind yourself of this! Our happened to last a good intense year! Then miraculously one day we figured it out! You will too! communication away from emotion is key! And my dad always said that you will fight as long as you are trying to change the other person. You can do it!

Kristi Flanagan said...

Oh girl - you are so not alone!!! Everyone - everyone - has had some of this - don't you think??? =0) It's good you made up so soon and are talking - Woo hoo!

I remember a time when we were first married where my husband fell asleep inthe middle of an argument - didn't go over very well with me.....he awoke with a cold splash of water LOL! I'm in much better control 20 years later LOL!

Kristi
Punkin Seed Productions

Chantel and Michael Magistro said...

You aren't alone Helena, it's normal to argue, especially when you're learning to live with each other.

Just remember, love is not perfect. You must fight for it, you must nurture it and you must put your energy into it. It's not supposed to be easy. But the payoff is *so* worth it.

I love you guys, and you can make sure Kurt knows I've never been "turned against him" :-)

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