Tuesday, March 30, 2010

A few thoughts on not being pregnant...



You guys, it happened. And I am not happy. I was in church on Sunday, just minding my own business, when a man came up to me and stared at my stomach.

"When are you due?"

...what??

"I'm not pregnant." I said, horrified.

He laughed. "No, really. When are you due?"

I was speechless. "She isn't pregnant" said Kurt, coming up behind me.

There was a pause. A long, awkward pause as the man looked back and forth between me, Kurt, and my not-pregnant stomach.

"Oh. Wow." Then he walked away.

Kurt and I just stared at each other.

Next time that happens, I'm going to smile, pat my tummy, and say "April. Of 2012, butthead."

(Only I might not sensor it. It'll probably depend on how much chocolate I've had that day)

Then I'll punch him in the face. Or maybe I'll just go cry (Also depending on my chocolate intake).

Now I'm not sure what to say when I see this man. I'm thinking we will probably both pretend like it didn't happen. But it's sure gonna be awkward.

Have you guys ever had this happen to you?? Or maybe you've been the one to ask this question. Please let me know. I could use a few laughs, and I'd love to not be the only person in this situation!

Now please excuse me while I go eat my weight in vending machine candy bars.

(kidding, of course. I'm pretty sure I'm never going to eat again.)


28 comments:

Andrea said...

First let me say, I am old (43) and my husband is a lot older than I (67). Well, about a year ago we were at the gym on machines beside one another when a lady came up and said congratulations. I did NOT know what she was talking about until she asked when I was due? I laughed, looked at my husband who still had not caught up with what had just happened and I said, "Honey, you just received a compliment...at your age." Then I looked at the lady and said, "Sorry to disappoint you, but I am just FAT." Yes....this really happened!
Hugs, andrea

Julie said...

Ugh! This has happened twice to me! Once at the zoo when it was really hot a woman said to me, "I don't know how you pregnant ladies do it in this heat!" I just smiled. Another time a man said, "Congratulations. When are you due?" I said my baby is 6 months old! That about made me cry! Now I've had two kids and I'm thinking I always look like I'm about 5 months pregnant. People should really shut their mouths if they don't know for sure!

Shayna Mills said...

I too have gone through this twice, once when my baby was 4 months old, a lady at church came up to me and PATTED my tummy and asked when I was due and was surprised I was having another so quickly. I removed her hand and said I'm not, I'm just still fat. Another time I was getting a pedicure and the lady asked when I was due, I said I already had my baby 8 months ago, she smiled and said oh. Yep love it when people don't shut their mouths. Hugs to you.

{All Thingz Related} said...

I can thankfully say that I have never had that happen to me. I would probably just hide under the nearest table. I'm one of those people who actually "keeps their mouth shut" if I don't know for sure! I don't want to embarrass anyone, or myself!! :)
~Rebekah

Kristi Flanagan said...

Oh that is so not funny! That guy would have had a black eye if he had said that to me!

Kristi
Punkin Seed Productions

Chantel and Michael Magistro said...

I think I have a memory of Dad saying something to someone who wasn't pregnant... but maybe not. I'm not sure. Anyway, I'm sorry Helena, but trust me, you do not look pregnant!

I think you should enter this

http://www.holidaywithmatthewmead.com/2010/03/shining-spotlight-on-youa-give-away.html

It would be so cool to have your blog featured in a magazine!

The Fifth Street Mama said...

A groom at his wedding once came up to me and patted my belly and said "How's our little soccer player?" He was mortified when I told him I was so not pregnant.

Also my dentist said to me "It will be a while before you get your wisdom teeth out since you are obviously pregnant." I was like "I'm not pregnant" and he says to me "well you're wearing a pregnant shirt". No apology.

Christine said...

I had a lady ask me how far apart my babies were, I said 2 years a little puzzled because my youngest is 2. But some people call all kids babies so I didn't think much of it. Then the next time I saw her she asked me my due date......Yeah not so much, but I have pcos and have the belly that goes with it so its harder to tell. It is so insulting when this happens though!

SewingMama said...

That happened to me at church too...but it was the priest so there was no name calling or thoughts of violence. Shortly after our 7 month old daughter was baptised he congratulated my hubby and I on expecting number 2. When I said we weren't he kinda stumbled and said he must have confused us with another couple. That was the moment I stepped up my "lose the baby weight" efforts.

Briana Priester said...

I know some of you may hate me, but I've asked a woman if she was expecting before and when she said no, I felt SO terrible. She was wearing an empire wasted shirt that was probably two sizes too small and was shopping for BABY things with her husband. They were going to a baby shower but not expecting!!! No one has asked me yet, but when they do, I'll make sure to have a chuckle because I've done it too!

Don't worry girl -sometimes people at church are a little too nosey anyway! I would make up something extreme and then watch them squirm! ;o)

~Briana

Jeannette said...

Now see... you can be grateful he said it to you. NO ONE asks a fat girl when she is due because they don't know if she is pregnant or just fat. Therefore I have never been asked. I bet your shirt made you look like you had a pooch. Any kind of bump from a shirt or pants looks preggers on a really skinny girl.

The Gosfam said...

WOW!! Some people just shouldn't talk :) I am sorry that happened.

Tara said...

Prolly a good thing for him you all were in church!

I'm just sayin...

I said it to a woman one time at a place of business in town I frequent often. She had on a maternity type shirt and everything. I was mortified when she said, it's ok, I'm not pregnant, I have a large tumor in my belly! I felt like pond scum. I will never say that to anyone again. I don't care if their shirt says...BABY ON BOARD on it!
Hugs,
Tara

Tara & Damon said...

one time i was getting a haircut and another stylist was hanging around our booth talking to my hair... cutter... and she looked about 6 months pregnant. i asked her when she was due and she said, 'i'm not pregnat'. i felt like the worst person ever, but so confused. she let it go on for a minute but then admitted she WAS pregnant. so rude. but hilarious. i decided that 1: i'll never ask another woman if she's pregnant again, no matter what and 2: when i am pregnant and people ask about it i'll say i'm not just to see their reaction. hahaha

Kaylene said...

You do not look pregnant, dear. I promise. And if it makes you feel any better, I still look pregnant and I'm definitely not anymore. Would that make me OK with someone asking me when I was due? Heck no. My policy is don't say a word unless it's painfully obvious. And even then, I might not just in case! It's so not worth the trauma of such an event.

Michelle @ Creative-Outbursts said...

I was looking at an album of my then, soon-to-be, mother-in-law and saw a photo of her. I asked which one she was pregnant with. She looked horrified and answered, "That was the eighties! I wasn't pregnant with anyone!" I wanted to choke on my foot!

Rachel DeFreese said...

I'll take your experience over my flat iron nightmare, any day! I must say though, I do feel a little less than in shape these days.... maybe we should start training for a race- huh? huh?

michelle@somedaycrafts said...

Had it happen! Never wanted to see that person again!!!!!!!!!

Rachel said...

Never had that happen to me while I was not pregnant...but I remember when I was about 13 I thought that a close friend of my parents was pregnant when she wasn't. Thankfully I didn't say anything to her, I asked my parents and they were horrified. She really did look about 6-7 months pregnant though!

Kyle and Aly said...

I must say back in December, I did have someone (at church) ask if I was pregnant. This person is not the type of person to ask such questions. When I looked down at my stomach it didnt seem so fat to me... (Helena you know me and have seen me :P) So I said, "No! Do I look it?" I kind of laughed because I know for a fact I am no where near "prego looking". He said, "Well, I didnt think you were but someone is spreading a rumor that you are." GREAT! Just what I need. Ha! Yeah, I still laugh at that today! Especially the look of horror after I said NO! HAHA!

Just Breathe said...

Are you kidding me. Really, people are so dumb. I would think he won't be doing that again to anyone anytime soon! My Aunt died 2 years ago at 91. She was in a nursing home for a few weeks before and I came in and she said "did you tell him" I said tell who what? "Did you tell your dad your pregnant?" I said Blanche I'm just fat! My kids are 31 and 29! It was actually very cute.

~~Mia~~ said...

oh man...that is so lame. it never happened to me but it did happen to my sister in law and she doesn't look pregnant either. my thoughts ~ if you don't know someone it is none of your business anyway so don't ask. when random strangers would ask me my due date when i as preggers i would look at them and say 'i'm not pregnant.' just cuz i was hoping it would teach them to shut up and butt out! *is a bad person*

~~Mia~~ said...

*was not as preggers...geez!

maleahbliss said...

It almost-sorta happened to me. I had a guy that I used to work with half way ask me. He realized that I wasn't pregnant half way through his question. The look on his face was hysterical. He looked like he had swallowed a bug. It sucked, but really in all fairness, I had gained some weight since the last time he had seen me. But really, people should just keep their mouths shut!

viewfromdownhere said...

I totally had this happen to me at a bridal shower of my friend's once. This lady just asked "when are you due?" And when I stared blankly at her she goes "Oh, I just looked at you and thought you were pregnant." I then went in the bathroom and cried and refused to eat the lunch there because apparently I needed to lose weight. That, and dude, I was wearing a size 6! Unless a woman is in stirrups at a hospital and the baby is crowning, you should never ever ask if someone is pregnant. Ever!

Abby said...

When I came back from maternity leave at my job, I worked part time at Red Lobster, a guy came up to me and said, "Aren't you the pregnant one?" I looked at him stunned, partially cause it was my first day back, secondly, my husband had just left that week for his basic training in the Army National Guard, and thirdly, I was just diagnosed with stage 3 precancer, I was more of in a shock than anything. But my baby was 7 weeks old. I just smiled and said, "No. I am not. She is 7 weeks old." He felt really bad but I explained to him I had just had a child. And to think, by then I had lost all the weight!

Sorry it happened to you sweetie!

Van said...

HAD to join this one.

When I was 17 working at Sears a coworker asked if I was pregnant because I said a certain perfume was bothering me and he heard pregnant women were sensitive to smell. I was a mere teenager so I was livid at him for suggesting I was pregnant.

I may be 23 and old enough to have kids but I'm offended when people ask me if I have them, which I get asked occasionally at my current job and was asked frequently at my old job, because I like toys and had some on my desk. One time this saleslady at my work replied, "Well, of COURSE you don't have kids, YOU LOOK SO YOUNG!" I don't just look young, I am young, single, and I'm not starting early with the kids you assholes.

Finally a recent simular transgression happened last week in the work breakroom. A guy said, "Vanessa, you've lost weight". (a lot of people think I've lost weight when I wear my naturally curly hair straight, really obnoxious). I told him, "No, I haven't, I've probably gained some weight..." and he insited "No, you've lost weight since I've started here" to which I replied "Well, that's not what the scale says" and he said "The scale lies."

OBNOXIOUS! Especially since I've NEVER talked to this guy. I will hate him forever for that one. Since I didn't lose weight his "compliment" sounded less like "You've lost weight" and more like "You look less fat today."

SO...I feel your pain and I'm eating a big sammich for lunch. (sigh)

Kirsten and Colby said...

Remember when I asked you that on FB? It was on my mind b/c some lady asked me that the same day. I was so mad. people are crazy... You'll keep getting it for a long time. People are expecting you to start popping them out you know...! haha.

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