Tuesday, November 3, 2009

My life's ambition



Kurt thinks I should write a book. He wants me to channel all my blogging into a best-seller that will make us rich beyond our wildest dreams. It could be a fictional book. Or a self-help book; maybe about how to sleep for 16 hours strait "there are insomniacs out there who would pay to learn your secrets!" (my secret is if you stay up long enough, you are bound to end up in a 2-day coma).

I think its a terrible idea. Yes, I love to read, and Yes, I've thought about this before. I've even started stories, and scribbled down plot lines. But after a while I get bored. The notebooks get put on a shelf (ok, who am I kidding? they get shoved under my pillow and fall off the bed and get eaten by the knee-deep pile of clothes living on my floor), and I move onto something else.

Also, I don't think I'd be good at it. Sure, I have no trouble filling up space HERE. But I'm writing about myself- and I'm kind of an expert on that subject. But if I tried to put this crap in a book, who would buy it? No one. Oh, a few of you might, out of loyalty. And the rest of you would receive signed copies from me for Christmas. And your birthdays. And every other holiday for the rest of your lives (Well, I'd have to do something with all of the copies). Lets face it: it would be the kind of book you might check out at the library, but wouldn't want to actually go buy.

And here is the other thing- I'm going to be too busy working on my Life's Ambition to be a famous Author. Jetting around for Oprah interviews and press releases would get in the way of me being a Trophy Wife. Orange skin, platinum extensions, an addiction to Botox. Hosting parties and saying things like "Why Ted! You are such a tease!" to portly old men who are staring at my expensively enhanced chest. That is the life! Why else would I marry a Dentist? I even have a t-shirt:



(I actually bought this years ago, at Steve and Barry's. I get a kick out of wearing it when I'm cleaning the bathroom. When Kurt saw it he was all "Um, you probably shouldn't let my Dad see that." Which is yet another reason why I hope his parents don't find out about my secret blogging passion.)

Well, shoot. I noticed that my last few posts have been really long, and I was determined to keep it short today. See? There's another reason why writing a book is a bad idea: I'd shoot for 300 pages, and end up with a thousand.

Did this post have a point? Probably not. If it did, I lost it somewhere around "liposuction."


4 comments:

Amber said...

I think you should write a book! You are very clever and it would give you something to do! you could base it on the life of a woman who blogs and have many blog like posts (seeing as you are so good at it) Or you could do the whole book as if it were different posts and tell the story that way. I like it! You should definitely do it!

Shipley Family said...

You can turn your blog into a book. Just keep writing your daily musings in it then e-mail Oprah and let her read it. I'm sure you can have all the stuff you have never wanted without even using a notepad and pen.

Magistros = MC² said...

I agree with Amber and Nikki. Write a book. I'd give it to my friends for presents too... probably. And, maybe Oprah will give you a car too!

Tara & Damon said...

i love that shirt! everyone knows the main reason i married damon is cause he's starting med school and i'm gonna make him pick the best specialty (aka richest) so i can cap off the 10 years of misery with a little lipo, something with my boobs, a new wardrobe, and a trip to Morocco! i gotta finds me one of those t's!

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