Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Self Check Outs

I just checked out my sister Amber's blog. She and her husband Dave just posted pictures of the house they are buying. How am I supposed to compete with that??? (Cause as we all know, everything turns into a competition when it comes to sisters) Ok, this is all I've got: I'll tell you about what I did last night. I went Grocery Shopping (Ha! I bet you are sooo jealous Amber!).

Kurt opened a bank account out here before we were married. Since I haven't been added to it yet, I'm like a teenager with an allowance. He gives me cash, and I spend it wisely (Or I pretend to. No Paper Trail = Shopping Spree!!). But last night, I swiped the debit card from his wallet. I also wore a mini skirt and too much makeup. I can only hope that one day, my teenage daughters will read my blog and get ideas.

Giant Eagle is the big chain in Pittsburgh, and we have one across the street. I bought a bunch of groceries: Eggs, milk, produce, etc. Then I realized that if I didn't want to get caught, I would have to go through the self-check out. No way could I pass for a Kurt A. Eriksson.

The self-check outs at Giant Eagle are extremely fussy. Once you scan the item, you have to put it on the long belt down to the bagging area for your terminal. If you, say, have only one item and want to just hold it, it Freaks Out and starts yelling at you. "PLEASE PLACE THE ITEM BACK ON THE BELT! PLEASE PLACE THE ITEM BACK ON THE BELT!" But even if you do, you aren't ever quick enough. "PLEASE WAIT FOR CUSTOMER ASSISTANCE!" I always feel like I've done something awful, like mention explosives at an airport and Oops! here comes security.

The machine also freaks out if you stop scanning for more than a second. So all I could do was scan my 40 items and let them pile up at the end. Once I was done paying (Yes! I got away with it!), I hurried down to the end and started bagging.

As I began stuffing my groceries in bags, a girl after me started scanning her items. She realized I still had a bunch of stuff in the way, so she tried just putting it all back in her cart. Bad idea. "PLEASE PLACE THE ITEM BACK ON THE BELT!" She was so startled, she dropped her cake mix. Once she was scanning again, there was nothing we could do except shoot each other apologetic glances as her baking supplies mixed with my 15 yoplait yogurts. I was bagging as fast as I could. She finished paying, and as she began gathering her things up, I noticed another customer start scanning produce. Crap. His vegetables got jumbled up with her chocolate chips and my bags of fruit, and apologetic glances were flying like crazy. I finished right as a fourth person began to scan.

So here is what I learned: if you are gonna get all dressed up to go shopping, you might as well flirt with the self-check attendant so he will bag your stuff for you.

See? This post is so much more exciting than a boring new house.


Amber said...

Man Helena I can't believe how lucky you are... I wish I was you... My boring house can not even compare to what is going on in your life... Shopping, I wish I could do that AND have a house... Ohh wait, I think I can!

Jamie said...

I have horror stories too from the self check out isle at giant eagle... it will soon be in my blog as well!

Christy said...

You have inspired me to go Shopping Helena. What would I do without your blog??? I am gonna skip the self-checkout though because I have kids to yell at me, I don't need a scanner to do it.

beka said...

Oh man.
You're funny.
More interesting than a new house?? And funnier!!
Hahahhaha... "mention explosives in an airport..." Oh, golly. :)

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